The Sheltering Sky
by elusivetwilight
Summary: Four years since Edward left Bella in the woods, they meet by chance on a lonely, snowy highway.  Is love alive?  Canon E&B. AU New Moon. EPOV.  ***CHARITY FIC***
1. Chapter 1

A special thank you to my ficwife Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader Snshyne.

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'_Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless…' _From _The Sheltering Sky, _by Paul Bowles

_Christmas Eve. _

Alone.

Four years of wandering by myself.

I had checked in with my family from time to time, but even those lucid moments had dried up.

The boots I was wearing I had found on a dead homeless man, the jacket was the same I'd had for the last few years, but it was worn and dirty. The smell drove me to distraction at times, but if I pressed my face in it, sometimes my mind imagined it could still smell _her_.

My orbit around the planet had brought me almost full circle; I was still quite a distance away from her, but this was as close as I had been to this part of the world in years.

The snow under my feet made a muffled crunch as I placed one foot in front of the other. Through sheer will alone was I moving. I had to keep moving; if I stopped, it would probably be the last step I took.

In some ridiculously ironic way, immortality had its own costs.

Even though the driving snow whipped into my body, I was not cold, as body temperature regulation was not something I had to mind. My skin was left unaffected by the punishing wind, and I could see clear enough, even though the visibility was next to nothing to human eyes.

I would see better, sense better, hear better if I could bring myself to feed.

But everything had lost its taste. And even though I should try to sustain myself with something, I could not bring myself to do it.

I was wholly unworthy of anything.

I had taken love, I had taken everything that mattered in the world to me, and threw it away like garbage.

And so my eyes remained like two hollow holes in my face, my mouth a grim line, and the burn in my throat confirming that, through some miracle, or cruel joke of fate, I was still in some form of existence.

And so I found myself on this road, wandering through blizzard conditions, as cars zoomed by. I huddled my shoulders against their presence, trying to ignore the instinct to pull them from their cars and bleed them dry.

I could hear them coming, their engines warm, the scrape of wipers across windshield glass. Inside, their drivers thoughts were louder than the engines carrying them forward.

An old Chevy passed me, and a man's thoughts echoed loudly to me.

_Hope Santa suit fits me this year. Knew I shoulda bought the extra large. Gotta get through this snow. Kids are counting on me. _

I wondered briefly if he even saw me.

The worst part is, if I were him, and he were me, I would probably have left him staggering in the snow as well. I would drive straight home to my beautiful wife and family.

God forgive us both, if He is watching.

I continued forward, and felt snow gathering in my hair, in my ears.

Another car approached, the engine sounding newer than the old Chevy's had. Whoever was inside had the radio on.

How odd, the rest of the interior was silent.

It was like the car was being driven by itself. But I knew this was not the case. There was definitely a heartbeat inside, wetly pumping blood through delicate warm veins.

My mouth watered with venom.

It had been a while since I had been entirely shut out of a mind. Not since _her. _

My thoughts lacerated me as I allowed a singular image of my love.

Her hair long and brown, flowing over her shoulders.

The nervous way her brown eyes would look away from mine, and her teeth biting into that plump lower lip.

Her skin, delicately pale from the lack of sun in Washington State, was marred by the occasional freckle, which had not faded from her childhood in sunny Arizona.

She was immortalized in my memories, forever freshly eighteen.

It was too much, this time. It brought me to my knees, and I fell, face first, into the snow bank by the side of the road.

I vaguely heard the approaching car stop, the engine left on, the wipers scraping against the window.

There were soft pants of breath and an excited heart rate.

I turned my face away, still lost in my tortuous memory. It was horrible, I could almost smell her again. I groaned, knowing it was some phantom vapor from my coat.

"Hello?"

That voice, I could even hear her voice now.

"Are you alright? Do you need some help?"

The smell was stronger now, and I wallowed in it, clung to it, as I felt everything in me slowly start to shut down.

A hand was at my shoulder now, "Mister?"

I should be unmovable, but somehow, she pried me apart and turned me over.

I lay on my back, the snow falling gently against my face, like tiny frozen kisses.

Then there was a gasp, quiet, and the woman leaning over me fell backward. She landed on her backside, and crawled to get away from me. Her boots skidded on the icy road as she moved awkwardly backwards.

I was lost in the sensations of my memories still, knowing how real they were in my mind and not wanting to let them go anytime soon.

She scrambled back up, I could see her through my half closed eyes, but her features were grainy from between my eyelashes.

I felt a shaking warm hand brush snow away from my face, and the scent of human flesh, combined with my perceived hallucinatory memories awakened a hungry growl I didn't know I had in me.

She jumped back, a frightened sound escaping her. Then she edged closer.

"Edward?"

This time, I opened my eyes, wide.

And there she was. Her face matured slightly, the youthful innocence gone, and her features seemed almost gaunt…her perfect face harsh with…grief?

I sat up, and from my lips escaped a name I had refused to think of for years.

"Bella?"

And then, in the middle of that snowy highway, she crumpled. The strong girl I thought I had left behind was lying in the road, struggling to breathe.

The little strength I had, I gathered it inside of me. I willed my limbs to move, and slowly crawled towards her.

While there was no heat from my body to comfort her, I curled myself around her, my arm wrapping around her side. I held my breath, trying to keep the torture of her scent at bay. But every uncontrolled wheeze she took sliced into me. If a dead heart could die again, mine would be, as she shuddered.

"Bella, sweetheart. Shhh, you'll make yourself ill."

She tried to speak, and it came out in a broken voice, "I-can't believe-it's you."

"It's me." I repeated the words over and over again, they were like a litany until they lost their meaning.

Snow continued to fall around us, like dead embers that had already burst from their birth in a fireplace. They melted on Bella's skin upon impact, but remained frozen on my skin.

Suddenly she was pushing against me. She grunted, and the sounds in her throat were like an animal. I dropped my hold on her immediately, and moved away from her as quickly as I could, before she hurt herself.

Her screech tore through the air, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, Edward Cullen!" She was panting now, and I held my breath, her delicious scent permeating everything around me now.

When I left her, I thought I had been selflessly trying to save her from a life that was unnatural and obscene. I was wrong, to entice her into my world, and lead her into what was the rape of her perfect gentle soul.

I assumed I had left behind a happy healthy girl, who would forget about me, and move on happily with her life.

I had assumed wrong.

The last look in her eyes had been a broken one. I remembered it so clearly. It was hurt, denial, and then, worst of all, acceptance.

"_You don't want me?"_

"_No."_

"_Well, that changes things."_

Bella shakily got to her feet. She checked her phone, swore under her breath and pocketed it.

"I want to leave, like you did. I want to leave, and forget I left you lying in the middle of nowhere. But that is the difference between me and you, Edward. I. Can't."

"Bella-"

"No. You do not get to talk, Edward. I'm going to open the back door of that car, I'm going to drive you to Forks, and then you will somehow contact your…family. You see, I'm not an asshole."

I flinched when she said the word, Bella had never used that kind of language before. But I was beginning to suspect Bella was not the same girl I thought I had left behind.

She opened the back door to the SUV, and I made myself stand. I should tell her to drive on, I should tell her to leave me here.

But I couldn't. I was weak.

Pulling myself into the SUV's large backseat, I lay down on my side and pulled my legs in just as Bella slammed the door shut. Her boots crunched across the ground, and the door opened and closed behind her.

I continued not to breathe.

She shifted the car, and we were driving forward again. The car filled with silence, and I enjoyed the quiet murmurs of her body's gentle rhythms. She sighed heavily and turned the radio on.

_Forecasts for snow are likely to continue. Please don't drive unless you have to. And if you are out there, please be safe._

I tensed at the words, and wondered if she was thinking the same as me.

_A white piece of paper, and my hand scrawling the words _Be Safe _across the page. _

_Folding it quietly and surreptitiously placing it where she would find it. _

_Hoping the single wish would be met. _

I closed my eyes, trying not to think of those innocent days when our lives weren't so twisted and gnarled.

"Are your…are they back in Forks?"

"No. I'm not really sure where they are."

"What are you doing here, then?"

I took my time in answering, not really sure why I had brought myself this far.

"Masochistic, I guess."

She made a sucking sound with her teeth. "Is that a joke?"

"No."

Another crystal-clear memory, the way the sun fell upon her warm cheek, in an afternoon meadow.

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."_

"_What a stupid lamb," she had sighed. _

"_What a sick, masochistic lion," I countered, as visions from Alice had echoed in my mind. One of Bella laying pale and dead, drained. The other Bella awake and pale, but her very soul wrenched from her anyways. No. I could be stronger than the first, and find a way through the latter._

The drifting sounds of the radio filled the car. The small minute click of tiny snowflakes hit the windshield, and the efficient hum of the wipers followed at regular intervals.

But the sound that filled me most was that glorious rhythm that had been missing from my life.

Her heart beat.

Bella continued on, and I lay quiet in the backseat.

It seemed surreal, having her so close again. I so wanted to ask her what she had been doing since I left. I noted she didn't wear any ring on her fingers, and a very selfish part of me rejoiced. And then, I was saddened. She was supposed to move on. Had she?

I had wanted her to be happy. The thought of her smiling, even if it had been with someone else, both lacerated me and sustained me over the last few years.

If she had been just as alone as I had, I was more than a thousand times a fool.

"Have you been happy?" The words were out before I could recall them back.

She snorted, "You don't get to ask me that, Edward. You don't get to pretend concern for the sake of morbid curiosity."

That hurt. "It is not morbid curiosity, I assure you," I said, quietly. I allowed myself a breath, and her scent burned sweetly in my throat and down further into the darker parts of me.

I could feel the car speeding up, the pistons working harder as Bella gave the engine more gas.

"Then whatever it is, cut it out. I dreamed of this moment, did you know that? Maybe not exactly this, I was at least wearing make up and my hair was nicer. But I dreamed of seeing you again, and telling you EXACTLY how I felt."

The smell of salty tears reached my nostrils, and I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching my fists.

She swallowed loudly, "I would tell you how angry I was that you made me feel so small. How it took me a while to recover, like someone had died. And how it felt like most days, I was dead. How my exasperated father had to sedate me and ship me to Renee in Florida."

Bella paused, and I could tell she was working up to something, "Because he didn't know what to do with me, and I-and I-" The sound a sob sawing from her chest and in her throat, made me flinch, as if she had whipped me.

I wanted to hold her, to soothe her, and take her suffering away. But I knew if I touched her, she would fight me.

The car was silent as she tried to calm her erratic breathing.

"I'm sorry." I breathed.

Bella laughed over a wet sob, "No no no no no. You're _not_ sorry. Why would you be sorry?"

"Because I love you."

Her heart sped up, and in the distance I could hear the engine of something large in the oncoming lane.

"No you don't."

"I do," I countered.

"You don't."

"I do."

Silence and the larger engine was getting closer now. Her heart continued to kick against her chest, and the sound of her knuckles cracking on the steering wheel seemed loud in the interior of the car.

"You are such a fucking asshole, Edward Cullen. You're so selfish, and you're still playing with my emotions. I hope you-"

The sound of a horn blowing sounded, and Bella swore as she hit the breaks in a panic. I sat up, but was too weak to react. The large engine was an eighteen wheel death machine, that had veered into the middle of the narrow highway. The breaks locked, and we were sliding too fast. Bella attempted to gain control of the SUV. She tugged too hard on the wheel, and the car fishtailed.

One beat of her heart, and I tried to reach for her.

Second beat of her heart, and my weakened state had me moving too slowly to save either of us.

Third beat, and she swerved again to avoid hitting the truck. The car flipped over, and I was thrown from a window, landing on an icy field.

Her scream filled the air around me, along with the sounds of metal crunching and squealing.

The truck stopped finally, and sat there. The sound of running footsteps came forward.

"Hello? Can y'all hear me?" It was a male voice, and I could smell the acrid smell of unwashed human.

I stood up, my indestructible frame unblemished from the trauma. My thoughts were for Bella. Snow continued to blow around us as I trudged forward. An arm caught me, and I gave him a look that should have killed him.

He gasped. "Well, you seem fine. Unless you need any help, I'll be on my way."

He fled back towards the highway, and I had to choose between stopping him, or helping Bella.

I turned back towards the wreckage, and as I trudged forward, I could smell her blood, thick in the air. A growl, feral and hungry, ripped from my chest.

_She could be hurt, she could be dying, and you are being selfish, once again. _

Never again.

I pushed away my hunger, my overlaying weakness and moved as fast as I could towards her.

The car had settled upside down, and Bella was bent over at an awkward angle. But I could hear her heartbeat. Joy surged through me, lending me strength. I moved closer, and slid on the snow to her side.

"Bella? Bella sweetheart, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

She was unconscious, but breathing, which was a good sign. Panic set in, as I took in what her possible injuries could be. She was so fragile, and if I wasn't gentle, if I moved her the wrong way, I could paralyze her, or worse, kill her.

Rather than rely on the things I did not have, I tried to use the keen senses that came with immortality. Carlisle had tried to show me how our hearing, our sense of smell, and sometimes taste could determine injury or illness.

I listened for any odd trickles, anything out of sync with her normal circulation that would indicate some sort of clot or internal bleeding. There was none, except for the nasty gash she had on her head.

Leaning further into the car, I checked her limbs, listening for anything, feeling for the slightly fissure. Her ribs were badly bruised, but I did not think they were broken. Her right arm was broken, but the seatbelt she had been wearing had saved her life.

Snow fell in earnest now, and the Mack truck was long gone. I looked for anything to bind her injuries, but the interior of the car was bare. I ran to the trunk of the car, and pulled open the hatchback. Inside was various articles of Bella's: notebooks, a sweater, and what I would have expected form a sheriff's daughter: a small first aid kit.

Pulling it out, I stepped back from the car. I stood there for a moment, and in the quiet drifting snow, I knew I what I had to do. Pooling my strength, I bent and lifted the car, the metal crunched as I lifted it onto its side. Pushing it again, I guided it so it was right side up. Bella sat lifeless in the driver seat. My mouth set in a grim line, I pulled at the handle of the door, but it was smashed in. Gripping the frame work, I pulled, and ripped the door from the car.

Flinging it behind me, I was at Bella's side, and without breathing, I unbuckled her seat belt and lifted her from the car.

Snow fell around us, and I knew if I didn't get her warmed up soon, and under shelter, things would…deteriorate.

I felt helpless, and for once in my very long existence, I was helpless. I had no control over this situation, and I experienced a surge of panic. I looked down at Bella's face, and knew I would need to move quickly.

So I started forward, toward the forest, and into the trees. The snow dulled my sense of smell, and along with my wavering senses, I had never felt so vulnerable.

Was this what it was like to be mortal?

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This was included in the Fandom Against Domestic Violence comp.

The second chapter can be found in the Foxy Fics comp. Link on my profile for more information.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

**Thanks a million to my ficwife lambcullen, my beta twilightmomoftwo, and my prereader snshyne.**

**The first chapter was included in the Fandom Against Domestic Violence comp.**

**This chapter was originally included in the FoxyFics comp. **

**Please consider donating to this worthy cause which supports Parkinson's Disease Research. **

**Link on my profile. **

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EPOV

Under the cover of the trees I worked quickly, applying pressure to her mostly superficial head wound. It took applying her sweater several times before the bleeding stopped. I discarded the sweater, and wrapped gauze around her head. Pulling her jacket hood up, I zipped her up and lifted her gently in my arms.

I looked around, not sure which way to walk, but I started forward, moving as quickly as I could. Sticking to the trees that were close to the road, I hoped some sign of civilization would happen upon us.

But the road remained empty except for the drifting snow…

_Several hours later…_

So weak.

Snow continued to fall, and I tried to quicken my pace without jostling Bella in my arms. She had moaned quietly a few times, and I swallowed past the emotion in my throat. She was in pain and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Checking her head wound, I was glad to see that the gauze was still white, and that she had not bled through. I was holding my breath as it was, depending on my weakened eyesight to guide us. After traveling along the road seemed futile, I had veered off into the trees.

Deeply in the woods now, I could hear some of the animals foraging around us, their scent in the air flaring my nostrils. If I fed, I would be stronger, but it meant leaving Bella. Looking down at her pale face, I knew I could not.

After walking for nearly three hours, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I wondered vaguely if mirages were possible for vampires.

For there in the trees stood a large cabin, covered in snow. I made my way towards it, my clothes nearly soaked through.

The wooden walls gave off a piney smell, and it seemed dark inside. I could detect no signs of life inside, no heartbeat or dying fire.

I moved quickly now, and was trudging through the snow up the steps to the porch. The overhang provided the door with plenty of shelter. I noted the Yale lock, but kicked the door open with my foot. Inside was a small foyer, which led into a living room. Directly in front of me was a wooden staircase, and on the other side, to the left, was what I assumed to be a kitchen, judging by the tiling.

Making my way towards the living room, which could only be described as homey, with patchwork quilts and a large stone fireplace. There was a cordless phone on a small table near the door, which flashed with new messages; a red and impatient digital two.

In front of the fireplace sat a large, wide leather couch. I laid Bella down on it and a small sound escaped her throat, a soft whimper. My eyes anxiously looked at her face, but she had not opened her eyes.

I set about building a fire first. On my way in, I had noted a small woodpile on the porch and I went back outside to retrieve some for the fire. Back inside, I set the wood in the fireplace and made sure the flue was open.

The fire took off slowly and the gentle pop and crackle of sap and air bubbles sounded in the quiet living room. I turned back to Bella and noticed the snow had more than soaked into her jacket. It would all have to come off and I wondered if there were dry clothes upstairs.

I opened a door upstairs, and found what appeared to be the master bedroom. The large bed had been made up, the sheets turned down. I stared at the clean white linens that were an odd reminder of the snow that had settled into drifts outside.

There was a chest of drawers, made up of wood so dark it almost seemed black in the dying light of the day. Pulling them open, I grunted in relief as I found sweaters, t-shirts and pajamas. Grabbing an armful, I went back downstairs to Bella.

She was quiet, but her body trembled with the cold. I tried not to think about her as Bella and leaned back on my medical school training. But this was harder, this was Bella.

I reached for her feet and took off the boots she had been wearing, unlacing them quickly and watching her face for any sign of pain, as I pulled them off. Her socks were dry, so I slipped a pair of the men's socks I had found upstairs over her feet.

I moved up to her jeans, which were soaked on the side that had been exposed to the elements. I closed my eyes for a moment and reached for the button and zipper. It growled in the silence and my cold fingers touched her skin as I reached for the waistband of her jeans. My mouth settled in a determined line, I slowly worked them down. I had to lift her and tug at the same time, it was a long arduous process, but I finally succeeded in getting them off of her. She still had not awakened and I tried to be as gentle as possible, knowing every movement could be causing her pain.

I tried to ignore her legs, her soft pale skin, her dainty ankles. I reached for a pair of warm looking pants and put them on her, watching her closely for any sign of distress.

Her coat was next and then her top. She had a t-shirt on underneath and this was the most difficult to get off. As gently as I could, I undressed her and growled lowly at the angry bruise forming on her side. How my hands ached to touch her, to ease her pain. I felt so inadequate and weak.

When she was eventually dressed again, I wrapped her in the patchwork blanket that had been folded over the couch. Turning back to the fire, I used the poker and stoked it before adding another log.

Bella's teeth stopped chattering and I knew her body was slowly recovering from the shock of the accident. I didn't want to leave her alone in the cabin, but if I was going to keep attending to her, I would need to feed.

And soon.

I prowled around the cabin, looking for supplies. It was surprisingly well stocked; there was enough food in it for a couple of weeks. I located a thermostat and quickly turned the heating on, hoping it would warm the cabin. In the upstairs bathroom cabinet, I found some pain killers and brought the little white bottle downstairs, setting it on the ledge above the fireplace.

The phone was not working, the lines must have gone down during the heavy storm outside. I paced back and forth from the living room to the window. The day was fading, slowly dying, like a candle burned down to the last of the wick. Every time I passed, those two messages continued to blink at me and out of annoyance, I pressed the play button.

A male voice echoed through the silent cabin. "Hey John, we're not gonna make it up. The snow is really bad. Sorry buddy. If you get this, you and Sarah enjoy the weekend up there."

The second message was from a woman: "Hey Tom, it's Sarah. John and I won't be able to come, the snow is just way too heavy. I'm so sorry. If you get this, I've stocked everything up, so you and Chrissy help yourselves. Take care!"

It would appear neither couple are coming and the cabin is otherwise abandoned for the duration of the snow storm. It didn't seem so dire now and I relaxed slightly.

The light eventually faded and all that was left was a strange white glow from the snow outside the windows. I threw more wood on the fire and brought more in from outside. As I was replacing it near the stone hearth, there was a small moan from the couch. Instantly I was by her side. Her breath hissed in between her teeth as she tried to sit up.

"Try not to move, you've bruised your ribs."

She looked up at the sound of my voice and her eyes blinked before gently watering with unshed tears. Her mouth worked while she tried to take in air. It was like what had happened on the side of the road was happening all over again.

"Edward?" She winced and her hand moved to her side as her chest rose and fell. "Is this a dream? Where are we?"

I quickly explained her finding me and the accident. Her eyes widened at the exact moment she remembered. I told her about carrying her and finding this cabin in the woods.

She groaned. "Ugh, my head is killing me." I watched as Bella struggled to run a hand through her hair as she discovered the gauze wrapped around her scalp.

"You cut your head open during the accident. It's not bad, mostly superficial. In fact, I should probably have a look at it now."

I reached out to start to unwind the cloth from around her head, but she flinched back from my touch, defensively.

"Is-is there a phone? I should call Charlie."

I shook my head as my hand fell away from her. "The phone is dead, I'm afraid. The snow and wind must be affecting the lines."

"What? So how do we get out of here?" There was real panic in her voice now.

"I don't think we can. The snow is much too heavy by foot and with the phone lines down, there's no way to communicate with anyone."

"So we're stuck?" Her voice was unbelieving.

I nodded. "It would appear so."

"Oh my God!" Her shoulders heaved and she squealed as she dragged in a shuddering breath. "I think you're right, about my ribs. It hurts to move."

I stood up for the pain medication and handed her the bottle. "I'll get you some water."

Before she could protest, I was away and back with a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

After she swallowed the pills and replaced the cap on the bottle, Bella lay back down. Sucking her lower lip into her mouth, I felt my silent chest twist at the familiar nervous gesture.

"I can't be stuck here, I just can't." Her voice was helpless.

I knelt beside her, but did not touch her, afraid she would flinch away from me again. "Sh. Don't panic. It'll be fine, the snow will stop and we can leave here. Lay back down, Bella. You've been through a lot in the last couple of hours."

Her head snapped towards me. "I don't want to lay down. I want the fuck out of here and away from you!"

I blinked at her words, not quite sure how to take them. She had loved me once and even though it was only four years, perhaps it was too long ago.

I swallowed the venom in my throat.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "Just get away from me, Edward."

Shocked, I stared at her. In the time I had known Bella, I had never heard her so much as a cross word from her.

I stood and backed away from her. At my back was a crackling fire, one of the only lethal things that I had been warned against in my immortal existence.

But in front of me, was the one person who could destroy me and it would appear that with a few small words, I had destroyed her.

I looked away from her. It must be the pain. "I can get you some ice for your ribs if you-"

"Get. Away. From me."

I nodded and moved away from her. My body kept moving, even though the pull to orbit back towards her was strong, I willed myself towards the door. I was outside in the night air, the temperature much cooler outside. The night was clear, the snow seemed to have tapered off for now, but I could still smell a hint of it in the air.

I ran into the woods, ran until I was miles from the cabin. What should have taken me minutes took me nearly an hour. I stopped and sniffed the air for prey. This would be my first hunt in years and I zeroed in on what had been a personal favorite.

Mountain lion.

It was stalking along a snow bank, waiting quietly for a nocturnal fox to draw closer. It sat back on its haunches and I moved into attack. The mountain lion squealed in fury and fought against me. Its claws were no match for my skin or lethally quick movements. I was so hungry though, I made a mess of him and rather than down my throat, some of his blood moved over my chin, onto my chest. The warmth of the blood triggered something in me, more than predator, it was evil…a side of myself I didn't often unleash.

Wolves howled and I hunted their trail until I found a pack of them near a clearing. They scented blood on the air and snarled at me. I growled back, baring my teeth as one leapt for my throat.

It was a massacre and I fed until I was more than full. I felt bloated and far too full on the inside. But the scorching burn in the back of my throat had all but disappeared and I felt stronger. Sustained.

I realized that my clothes had been torn to shreds and I stood nearly naked in what had been the virgin snow around me. Now it was littered with blood and the broken carcasses of the wolves around me. I licked blood from my chin and my hand came up to automatically wipe the blood from my face.

I looked down and realized I had been very sloppy. Blood had sprayed over my chest and down towards my stomach. I sighed, disgusted and ripped the annoying remnants of my clothes from my body.

Naked, I started back towards the cabin. I ran for the exhilaration of reaching top speed again, I was strong and as my arms moved, I reached full stride. Snow started to fall again; thick fluffy flakes made the air around me dense. As I drew closer, Bella's heartbeat drifted through the snow, a sound that fulfilled me more than blood ever could.

Clearing the steps that were now hidden under the snow, I realized I was very naked and Bella was inside. I opened the door and darted upstairs, intent on showering and finding clothing.

"Edward?"

Her voice was full of fear and I could hear her breathing was labored.

I looked down at the blood on me and paused, wondering if I should go down to her. I opened a wooden cupboard in the bathroom and reached for a towel. Wrapping it around my waist, I started for the stairs, ready to call her name.

Before I reached them, there was a loud thump, followed closely by her anguished cry. The fire popped loudly and I was by her side in an instant. She had fallen off the couch.

Bella gasped as her eyes fastened on my chest, her warm hand tried to touch me and I moved back. I didn't want her fingers touching the blood marks.

"Are you hurt?"

I shook my head. "I don't bleed. I went for a hunt."

She dropped her hand. "Oh."

I lifted her up in my arms and she softly _oofed_ against my chest.

She flushed slightly. "I fell off the couch."

"Is the couch uncomfortable? There's a bed upstairs."

She looked down, away from my eyes. "No. You don't have to…"

I looked at the couch and at the hard floor and made a decision. I walked with her towards the stairs, moving around obstacles as best I could without jostling her.

"I don't want you hurting, Bella."

I watched her inhale when I said her name and then grimaced. Her hand came up to rest against her side.

Entering the master bedroom, I laid her down gently on the bed. I pulled the covers over her and went to the door.

"Edward?" She whispered.

I paused in the doorway, my back still to her.

"Thank you…for coming back."

I crumbled a little on the inside. She thought I wouldn't have come back for her.

Turning to face her, she seemed so small in the bed.

"Of course I came back. I couldn't just leave you here."

The smell of salt tinged the air and she swallowed, but I gazed on, horrified, as I saw the dull light catch the silent trickle of a tear down her cheek towards her hairline.

"But I-but I told you to go."

I moved back to her side. "Hey. Oh, Bella, no. Don't cry, love. I couldn't leave you alone out here to fend for yourself. I would have come back."

"I missed you, Edward."

And she was crying, tears and she tried not to sob, holding it in.

"Oh, sweetheart."

And something happened then that I had only dreamed of doing for four years. My heart found its way back to my chest. I put my arms around her and was able to touch her, hold her as if I had never left.

Eventually she stopped crying and her breathing evened out. I watched as she closed her eyes and held her until she slept. As she drifted, I was aware I still had blood on my chest and probably on my chin.

I hadn't wanted Bella to see me this way, I didn't want her to know the ugly savage side of me and the world that I was damned to exist in. That had been one of the reasons why I had left in the first place, four years ago.

But she had just spent the last two hours with her face pressed against the stark reality of the monster inside me. As I slowly got up from the bed, she moaned softly, but didn't awaken. I moved towards the dresser and found a t-shirt and a pair of men's pajama trousers.

Heading into the en suite bathroom, I laid the clothes on the sink and unwrapped the towel from my waist. I let it fall to the floor and stepped naked into the walk-in shower.

The water came on as I turned the tap and cold hit me, washing away some of the blood smears. I turned the knob all the way over into the red. The water steamed into the air as it hit my cold skin. I reached for a shampoo bottle and washed months of grime from my hair. The suds ran down my chest and I rubbed away the bloody smears.

Bracing my hands against the cool tiles, I bowed my head and let the scalding water hit me full force. My thoughts strayed to the girl in the other room.

I had messed up so many things in such a short amount of time. I had shattered both Bella's life and mine.

Could I put all of the pieces back together?

* * *

**A/N**

**The third chapter for this will be included in the FGB Autism Awareness Comp, released in April.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

**This is chapter three of my charity fic: The Sheltering Sky. The previous two chapters were in the Fandom Against Domestic Violence comp, and the Foxy Fics comp.**

**This was previously included in the FGB Autism Awareness Comp. If you didn't receive it, but would like to donate, the link is on my profile for more info on how to do so. **

**Special thanks to my ficwife Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader snshyne.**

* * *

EPOV

Staring out the window, I watched as the snow continued to fall, the porch nearly covered. The woods were silent, except for drifting flakes, and the odd bird deciding flight was the better option.

If only they knew, it would never get them very far. If only they knew they would be back, to what was familiar, eventually.

Bella slept fitfully upstairs. Part of me wanted to be upstairs with her, like I used to, watching her sleep. I wondered if she still talks in her sleep. I remembered that night when she had first said my name. It paralleled with the afternoon where I had confirmed the blackest of lies, when she had softly said my name, begging me not to go.

It squeezed something inside me that should be dead, but she resurrected parts of my humanity I had believed were gone.

I wanted to love her selflessly, but those old fears surfaced once again. Turning my face from the window to avoid the reflection of my inhuman golden eyes; I tried not to think about bringing her into my world again, placing her in the path of dangers I may not always be able to protect her from.

There was something not right, though. She was far too thin. There were dark circles under her eyes, and a superficial strength in those brown depths.

Had it only been four years?

Perhaps it was longer, but I knew it had not been. I had counted every second I had been away from her almost unconsciously.

+SS+

_Five days later._

The day dawned gray, the sky unchanging, and promising even more snow. I could still smell it on the air, and from the lack of sound around the cabin, the animals sensed it as well.

A soft moan upstairs had me at her side in an instant, and Bella was attempting to sit up.

"Oh my God, it's so sore. When will it stop being like this?"

It seemed she wasn't directly asking me this, and her eyes refused to meet mine. I tried to help her sit up, but she flinched from my touch. This had been the ritual we had been through every morning since we arrived. The progress I had made the first night had vanished the next morning.

That first morning I had rushed to her side, but she had struggled against me until I backed off. I didn't want to force my presence on her, especially if we were going to be stuck here for an undetermined period. Bella reached for the bottle of painkillers, and I stood back, trying to give her space.

She huffed, and the corner of her mouth lifted up in an uncharacteristic sarcastic smile as she popped the lid off. It made a hollow sound that seemed to echo around the room.

"I probably shouldn't be taking these. It's been awhile since I went near painkillers."

I looked at her, unsure what she meant. She looked up, and must have seen the puzzled expression on my face.

She held the bottle up, and her eyes seemed haunted with shadows. "They don't really do much, anyways. I remember the good stuff."

That had been five days ago, and this morning was no different as I entered the room. Bella sighed, then groaned as her ribs protested. Throwing the covers back, she moved forward slowly.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" That acidic tone was wearing on me.

But I knew she was suffering. I was back by her side, and again, she pushed my hands away.

"Bella let me help you."

"I don't want your help."

I watched as her breathing hitched every time she moved.

"This is stupid." I picked her up, and she squealed, her hands grabbing fistfuls of the slate gray sweater I was wearing.

"Put me down." She sounded feeble, I could tell she was incredibly weak, and I tried to be as gentle with her as possible. I carried her towards the en suite bathroom, and flicked on the light as we entered.

"Edward, put me the fuck down, now!" She tried to punch me, and I grimaced as I heard her knuckles crack. She whimpered, holding her hand, and I locked my jaw, angry with her for hurting herself, and angry with myself because she had been hurt by hitting my cold rock hard skin.

Gently I put her down, and sat her on the covered toilet.

"Let me see your hand." I looked at her face, and she refused to meet my eyes again. She held her hand against her chest, her other hand rubbing it gently.

"Bella, I want to make sure you haven't broken your knuckles."

She looked down at her hand, and I wondered if it was throbbing. Her heart was beating fast inside her chest, circulating her blood, mingling with sweet adrenaline.

I tried to block her scent out, and I was able to push the darker side of myself away, just as I had when we had first been together years before.

Reluctantly, she placed her hand in my outstretched palm. Her skin was perfection, a blushing porcelain. I ignored the other urge that raced through me, to place my lips on her wrist, and move lightly up towards the crease of her elbow.

I cleared my throat, and examined her hand. Flexing her fingers gently, asking her if it hurt at different intervals. When she shook her head no, it was my turn to reluctantly let her go.

I stood up, and this time, her eyes followed me. Pulling clean towels out of the bathroom cabinet, I placed them on the counter for her.

"There are clothes in the dresser drawers. Would you like me to get you a clean set?"

She shook her head at me, and I watched her throat bob as she swallowed. "I don't want you to do anything for me, Edward."

As a vampire, physical pain was not something I was familiar with anymore. But her tone and her words were cutting me deeply.

"Very well. If you need me-" I paused, the words catching in my throat. I began again, "If you need me, just call out. I'll be downstairs."

She blinked at me, not acknowledging my offer, and I turned to go. Shutting the door behind me, I left her alone.

+SS+

It was awhile later when I heard her footsteps on the stairs. She was taking them one at a time, and her breath hitched with each movement. I looked up from the fire I had built, and listened intently.

I pursed my lips, unsure if I should help her again or not. I knew she would use it as an excuse to shoot me down. I had noticed that this had been a reaction to anything I offered to do for her, and I wondered at what point which one of us would break.

She appeared at the bottom of the stairs, her face pale, her fingers fluttering to her side.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. I'm fine." She said tersely.

Bella sat on the couch, and I slid the ottoman closer to her. She ignored it, but looked up as I sat on the other part of the couch. This was far outside our established routine of my leaving her alone to stare out the window in another part of the house.

"We need to talk."

She stared into the crackling flames, trying to ignore me, but I saw the slight tightening of her face.

"Bella." I could hear the frustration in my tone.

Still she didn't answer me, and continued to not look at me.

I said her name again, this time without the frustration, and with some of the trembling awe I once had of the love I felt for her.

She ignored me still, but her face relaxed slightly. I watched the dancing shadows from the fire caress her cheeks. She blinked, her sooty lashes sweeping downwards.

"I'm sorry. More sorry than maybe you'll ever know, maybe more than you'll ever accept."

She still didn't look at me.

"I lied to you. I never stopped loving you, or wanting you."

A shudder ran through her, and moisture gathered in her eyes.

"I loved you with every footstep I took, and I knew it was wrong the moment I was heading away from you. But I thought if you spent anymore time with me, you would be hurt again and again."

Her chin trembled, and she brought her fist up to her mouth. Her lips parted, and she slipped a knuckle between her teeth.

I tried to think of a way to explain, to tell her that without her I became nothing.

"I wandered away, lost contact with my family. I didn't eat, I just kept walking. Sometimes I ran, going as fast as I could, wondering if there was an edge I could fall off of, and end my existence. I clung to the hope that you were somewhere happy."

She closed her eyes, and a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Were you? Were you happy?"

She took a moment or two to answer. The fire crackled during the silence between us, and finally she whispered her reply.

"No."

I squeezed my eyes shut this time, realizing that the error in judgment I had made had more consequences than I had originally envisioned.

I had to know what had caused her to be so unhappy. Surely my existence was insignificant to her. There had always been plenty of boys waiting for me to move on, so they could take my place.

"What happened to you?"

Bella shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't want to talk about it." The finality of her words was not something I was willing to accept. The old frustration at not being able to hear her thoughts reared its head at me again. I tried a different track.

I leaned forward, knowing it was unfair, the allure of my scent calmed her heart briefly. I traced the trail the tear had left down her cheek. "I know something is not right with you."

Bella tilted her head, and looked at me, an odd look in her eyes. "You want to know what happened? Fine. I'll tell you."

She turned back to the fire, and those shadows returned, dancing across her face. I sat back again, trying to give her space.

Bella began, her voice harshly trembling. "When you left, I wanted to die. You know how that expression goes? Some people have a death wish? That was me. The day you left, I tried to follow you. Did you know that? I loved you. _Loved you_, and you threw me away like my feelings were nothing."

I wanted to interrupt, to tell her that wasn't true. Briefly, she turned her face from the fire, to glance at my face. "Do you know how that felt? That you thought my love for you was so flimsy?"

I had no answer for her.

She continued. "You probably don't. Anyways, I got lost in the woods, and you can imagine my dad had every able-bodied person in the county looking for me. Eventually they found me, passed out and hypothermic in the woods."

Bella took a breath, and winced as the motion caused her pain. "Days went by, weeks, then months. I held out hope that you would come back. How stupid was I? It was my senior year of high school, and I let it slip by. I buried myself in my school work. The only person who was able to drag me out of the house was Jacob." Her voice softened slightly, and jealousy roiled inside of me.

"But that was short lived. He was there, he brought me out of some of the depression I was mired in. Then he was gone. I didn't understand at the time, but it felt like I lost you all over again. And I slipped further into a deeper depression."

"Bella, I-"

She looked at me, and her features were sharp, her voice cutting. "You wanted to hear this." Her chin lifted slightly, and her face was angry before settling into a frightening calm. "I didn't even get to the good parts." That sarcastic smile was back, and her features were harshly brittle.

Her eyes moved back to the fireplace. And she cleared her throat before speaking again. "I-I went by your house, once. It was dark, the shades drawn, the front porch was covered in dead autumn leaves. That day, I decided I would try to find our meadow. Some of the naive child inside told me, maybe you would be there. Waiting for me.

"It took me a bit, and my terrible sense of direction coupled with my shitty balance made it a study in how to get myself thoroughly lost. It was also rather stupid at the time to be wandering through the woods. You see, there was a bear scare in effect. Some rabid creature had mauled a few hikers. But I just didn't care anymore.

"Finally, I found it. But it wasn't the meadow that I remembered sharing with you. The grass was yellowed, the flowers dead, and the trees quiet except for the scraping of their naked limbs in the last of the winter wind.

"It was there that they found me. It never occurred to me that they would come back."

I watched as Bella's face went paler, and her heart rate picked up slightly.

"Who found you?" I prompted.

"Laurent and Victoria."

Something curled and then unraveled inside of me, and I saw her flinch at the growl that erupted from my throat. I felt my fists clench and unclench, as I tried to work my way through what she had said. I knew there was more to come, and her words lashed into me as she spoke.

"They found me, and dragged me into the woods, and ran with me, far away from Forks. They took their time, torturing me, then healing me with their stinging venom so I wouldn't scar. They wanted to know where you were, why you hadn't come to save me. I lost track of time after the first few days. They starved me. Beat me. Threatened me."

I knew I was going to lose control at any moment. I stood up from the couch, backing away from Bella, but she didn't seem to notice, caught up in her memories. Her heartbeat continued to race, and her eyes were wide and unseeing.

"Every day they found some other way to torture me. Victoria in particular. Laurent was against cutting me open, but Victoria wanted a taste."

Another loud growl ripped from my chest, and Bella jumped at the sound. Her hand went to her side, and rubbed absently.

"Then, after a week, I heard a sound that I will never forget. The howling of the wolves. I was afraid, at first. I didn't know if Victoria would kill them or let them tear at me.

"I was delirious at this point. After being exposed to the elements, I was bruised and bloody, my legs had been broken so I wouldn't run away. So I didn't know if I could trust what I was seeing, when I saw what looked like huge wolves running through the woods towards us. They were the size of horses, and there teeth were bared as they charged closer.

"They fought with Victoria. Laurent was nowhere around. The sound of the fight was awful: the snarls of the wolves, the screeching noise that Victoria made, and the clash of wolf against vampire. I had assumed that Victoria would win, and I would be dessert. But I was wrong.

"They managed to tear her to shreds, and I remembered thinking, _this is it, I'm next_. And I was glad. I just wanted it to be over. But it wasn't. The wolves were standing there, staring at me, and then they weren't. I looked up, and they were gone. In their place were three very familiar faces. I thought I was dreaming as I recognized Jacob and two of his friends from the reservation.

"Victoria had stripped me naked, in order to humiliate me. I tried to cover myself, but I was very weak. Jake gave me the shirt he was wearing. I passed out shortly after, and when I woke up, I was in hospital. Jake was waiting for me, he explained as subtly as he could that he and his friends had been searching for me, and followed the vampire's trail."

"He also said that I must not tell anyone about the wolves I saw, or about the vampires. He explained that I would put myself in more danger if I breathed a word of it.

"So we concocted a story together, and my father believed it. After I healed, I graduated high school, and Charlie promptly shipped me to Florida to be with my mother. I was a wreck, and to cope, I developed a small addiction to pain killers. They helped me escape, and somehow got me through my first year of college. I knew it was bad, that I should get help. It was by chance I bumped into the college's psychology department head on my way back across campus one afternoon. Dr. Delaney was a nice older gentleman, with kind eyes. He genuinely wanted to help me.

"I was able to beat my addiction, and although I never told him the full truth, he helped me work through a lot of the issues I had.

"I even changed my major from English Lit to Psych. I'm due to graduate in the Spring, and start my grad program."

"I tried to move on, because I had to. Otherwise, my life would have been continually on the pause you left it. I blamed you for so many things, because I waited for you to come back. Because you had said you loved me, and I had loved you. I knew it wasn't a silly childish crush. But did you?"

Her words rattled in my brain, over and over.

_But did you?_

Yes, I knew it wasn't a silly childish crush. I knew it was the real thing. And I had wanted to protect it, protect her by removing myself from the equation. Because I was not good enough for her.

And I had left her feeling that she was not good enough for me.

I had left her vulnerable in so many ways, and had actually only made it worse by separating myself from her.

I could hear Carlisle's voice in my head, remember him explaining once, a very long time ago, that things just happen for a reason, and sometimes that reason is beyond even our vast comprehension.

Was my leaving Bella for the better? Would she be moving on to her grad program if I was still in her life?

Those shadows in her eyes would certainly not be there. That harshness on her face would not be there either. As if even at her happiest, she would never be truly happy.

I had done that to her. I had taken from her without realizing how much it would cost.

And I wasn't sure if there was a way to give it back to her.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

Chapter Four is currently available as part of the _Finding Your Voice: Fandom Fights Mental Illness _comp. Fighting the stigma of mental illness is something I firmly believe in, as well as offering support to those who need it. I urge you to donate, if not for the comp, then to show your support to the National Alliance on Mental Health. There is more information on my profile.

Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is Chapter 4, which was included in the **_**Finding Your Voice: Fandom Fights Mental Illness **_**comp. **

**Please consider donating to this worthy cause. Mental Illness still has so much stigma attached to it, but with research and education, it can be treated with the dignity and respect it deserves. Thank you. **

**Special thanks to my ficwife, Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader, snshyne.**

* * *

"_I tried to move on, because I had to. Otherwise, my life would have been continually on the pause you left it. I blamed you for so many things, because I waited for you to come back. Because you had said you loved me, and I had loved you. I knew it wasn't a silly childish crush. But did you?"_

_Her words rattled in my brain, over and over._

But did you?

I turned to her.

"I cannot give you back the time. I cannot give you back the girl I left-"

Her eyes were fierce as she interrupted me. "I don't want anything you have to give."

I lowered my head in defeat. It was clear that nothing I said at this point would ever measure up to all that she had suffered.

"I'm going out to hunt. Do you need anything?"

"No." Her voice was softer, and I saw her staring at me before she quickly looked away, her eyes staring at the fireplace.

I went to the door, and paused as I heard her heartbeat pick up. She may say she does not want me to leave, but her body didn't lie. It made her anxious.

_Do I stay and upset her more, or do I give her space? _

In inhaled, filling my lungs with air to speak. Her scent resonated inside me, and I longed for easier days, when things were so much more innocent…and naïve.

"Bella, I can stay…if you want…"

I was met with silence, her heartbeat, and her even breathing.

"I won't be far."

And I left, shutting the door quietly behind me.

I let me mind confront the information she had divulged, and tried to ignore some of the rage at being unable to expel the ones who had hurt her. I ran, but rather than away, I ran in ever widening circles from the cabin. The woods around me were still covered in the snow, which seemed to have abated slightly today.

From the west I heard a twig snap, and turned in the direction of the sound. Whatever it was, it was downwind of me, and I couldn't pick up its scent. I crouched, waiting for whatever it was. It was heavy, bigger than a wolf, heavier than a mountain lion. Listening intently, a stream of conscious thought reached me through the stillness.

_Probably hear me coming before he sees me…_

My mind raced with the possibility of whether I was hearing an audible mirage, or really hearing my own sister.

"Edward?" Her voice, I hadn't heard her voice in so long.

_Alice. _

"Alice?"

I ran towards her, her voice, her smell. A small euphoria filled me and she came out from behind a tree. She was just as I remembered, small and lithe, her short dark hair slightly windblown. She looked impeccable, her clothes barely out of place. Alice launched herself at me, and I caught her.

"I missed you!"

I crushed her to me, her small frame in my arms. "Alice…oh Alice."

Her thoughts were a kaleidoscope of visions, past, present, and future, and my head spun, almost overloaded. But I didn't care. Her familiar face comforted me.

Her muffled voice came from between us. "Edward, there will be plenty of time for us to reunite and catch up. Right now there are other things we need to do."

I set her down and looked at her face. She gave me a look, and just as we had done before, she opened her mind like a book to be read, and flicked through a vision of men searching the woods for Bella and me, with no explanation of how we were several hours walk from the crash site.

My eyes focused on Alice's. "You're sure?"

"Do you really want to wait around and find out?"

"Where will we take her? We can't just leave her in the middle of nowhere."

Alice smiled. "Already thought of that. We've made reservations for her at a hotel the next town over."

"And then what? We just leave?" My voice was bleak.

She nodded. "It's for the best, Edward."

I swallowed, emotion closing part of my throat.

"I just got her back…"

Alice shook her head. "Trust me."

Her eyes implored, and she covered over a vision of me carrying a stack of books.

"What was that?"

"I'm not sure. It's not exactly clear and focused…it's all wispy."

We started back towards the cabin. "Do you know…did you know…?"

"I only know what she's told you the last couple of days. You've been a real idiot, you know."

"That's a bit of an understatement," I muttered.

"I know. But you've been beating yourself up for four years, and the last few days have been hellish enough without me rubbing your nose in it, big brother."

Arriving at the front steps, I turned to Alice. "I'll have to carry her."

Alice smiled. "Only for a little bit. Jasper is waiting near the crash site in a car."

"Jasper?" I remembered his face, his eyes haunted, his impenetrable skin battle scarred with old wounds. Although it had been a short time, my old life seemed like a lifetime ago. My brothers, my sister, my father and mother. We may not have been blood related, but they were family to me.

"Yes. Can you hurry up with your deep and meaningful moment? I want to get back to the car before it starts snowing again."

I smiled. Alice was still…Alice. It was good to know that somethings had not changed in the last four years.

Alice opened the door, and matter-of-factly entered. "I'll grab her coat."

Alice made her way upstairs, and I walked over to Bella. The fire was now dead, the ashes dark and cold in the fireplace.

Bella was asleep on the couch, her face relaxed in her repose. I brushed a pale finger down her warm perfect cheek. She opened her eyes, and I paused, caught like a deer in her gaze. Unsure of how she would react to how close I was, I moved closer. When she made no protest, I moved closer again. Her eyes were dreamy, and without the wrath I had seen in them before I had left the cabin.

Closer, I edged until our noses nearly touched. Her scent engulfed me, and slowly, I lowered my lips to hers. Her heartbeat skipped and I pulled back in alarm.

"Edward-"

Alice came back downstairs. "If you two are finished, we really need to get going."

Bella's eyes widened. "Alice?"

She sat up, groaning at her ribs and looked over the couch at my sister.

"Hi, Bella."

Bella's heart was thundering now, and Alice and I exchanged a look.

_She's going to freak out._

"How did you…How long have you…Have you been here the whole time?"

Alice shook her head. "Bella. I'll explain in the car, but we really need to move you." Her voice was calm and even.

"Why?"

Alice sighed. "Because your dad is gonna tear the state apart looking for you if you don't call him in the next hour or so. And you won't have an explanation for how you arrived in this cabin other than your vampire ex-boyfriend carried you."

"Oh." Bella seemed a bit stupefied as she continued to study Alice.

"So, if you'll allow Edward to slip this over you, we must be on your way." She held up a downy winter coat. Alice tossed it to me, and I caught it with one hand.

"OK. Wait. We're leaving the cabin? And then what? Where is this car?" While she talked, Bella let me force her arms into her jacket and I zipped her up.

"We need to carry you back to where you crashed. We're going to drive you to the nearest hotel, and drop you off."

"My car. What about my car?"

Alice smiled. "Already taken care of."

I lifted Bella in my arms before she could protest. Her face was as tense as her body, her discomfort apparent. Alice saw it, and her eyes met mine again, showing me a vision of Bella alone in her hotel room, holding an old photo in her hands.

Our high school prom picture.

I swallowed, trying not to react as memories from that night came flooding back…

Her voice, so full of chagrin at the whole event. She hadn't even wanted to go, and I had almost had to drag her in, kicking and screaming. She had looked beautiful, though.

_So, are you going to explain the reason for all of this?_

_I brought you to the prom because I don't want you to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it_.

The irony of those words haunted me now.

Alice shut the door behind Bella and me, and we started through the woods. The sky was still gray, but the snow held off. The clouds were heavy, threatening more snow if we did not hurry.

I tried to be as gentle as I could, and Bella hid her face between her hood and my chest as we ran at inhuman speed through the forest. Alice's nimble stride was somewhere behind me, but I followed her previous trail out of the woods. The run was much quicker than when I had struggled over the terrain, barely able to move forward.

It had been Bella who had kept me going. Just as she had for the years we had been apart.

The tree line cleared in front of us, and I could pick up the sound of a car engine rumbling. Jasper was inside, his thoughts were anxious, worrying over Bella's reaction to him. He was thinking of the last time he had seen Bella.

It had been Bella's birthday, her eighteenth. At eighteen, I had been a newly born vampire. I was bloodthirsty, and out of control.

Bella's birthday was so very different from my own. There had been cake, and Alice, in a very Alice fashion, had almost choked us all with fresh flowers. There were presents, and my family had gathered to celebrate with Bella, as if she were one of their own.

How very wrong I had been to bring her so close to us. Bella had cut her finger on wrapping paper, and from that instant, from one tiny drop of blood, our lives had changed.

Perhaps irreparably.

Jasper, his feral instincts taking over his senses, leaped forward, desperate for a taste of the fruit that should have been forbidden to him. His thoughts were scrambled, his sole focus Bella. In a move to protect her, I had tried to move her out of the way. Overcalculating my move, she had landed too hard, upsetting a vase. Her arm lacerated as she landed on the broken glass.

At the time, they were small wounds. That was the observation of Carlisle, my father, as he had stitched Bella up.

But nothing about it was superficial to me.

Bella could have been killed, at the hands of my own brother.

My anger, at first, had centered on Jasper, and his lack of control. It had abated to Alice, who had not foreseen such an event but I realized soon enough that it was myself I had to blame. For how could I hold anyone else to the sole charge of Bella's almost death, when it had been me who made the decision to not stay away from her? How could I truly protect her from the monster I was?

Conviction of thought was easy, but conviction of action was much harder.

We neared the car, its lights were on as the day slowly started to fade to twilight. I could see Jasper watching our progress as we drew close. Bella had somehow managed to fall asleep in my arms, her fragile trust was humbling.

Jasper got out, and opened the back door to the vehicle. It was an exact replica of the one Bella had been driving. Its sister was no longer where I had left it, when I had pulled Bella from the wreckage only a week ago.

I nodded at Jasper, and he warily nodded at me. Jasper had not been present when I told the family they were to leave, he had ran off, ashamed of his actions.

His voice brought back a flood of memories as he said my name out loud in acknowledgment. "Edward."

He had been my brother, not in blood, or name, but in a way beyond those bonds. I had missed his quiet intelligence, his wit, and bantering with him as brothers do.

As I climbed into the backseat, mindful not to jostle Bella too much, I turned to him once I was seated.

"We will talk later…brother."

He nodded, and his thoughts were for Alice who arrived just behind me. Jasper shut the door as Alice skipped forward, and he leaned down, his tall frame more than dwarfing his mate. She kissed him softly on the cheek, and whispered to him that she had missed him, and that everything was going to be alright.

Jasper shifted the car forward, and we continued on the snowy highway where Bella and I had left off.

"What happened to the wreck?"

Alice answered. "We towed it to a scrap yard and junked it. You would be surprised how easy it was to forge all the paperwork."

Alice's mind showed me a memory of her smiling prettily at a large man with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"We're going to give this one to Bella. The hotel won't be too far from where she was headed."

I looked down at Bella in my arms.

_How is she? _Jasper's thought was soft and cautionary.

"She's a little bruised, but she's healing."

Bella started to wake, and I felt Jasper send a calming wave towards her. She sat in my arms, her face still pressed against my chest.

"Edward?"

I looked down at her face. "We're in a car heading for a hotel. We should be there in the next hour or so."

Her brows furrowed as she sat up slowly, blinking. Her eyes fell upon the back of Jasper's head, and she gasped.

"Jasper?"

He turned his head slightly before turning back to the road. "Hi, Bella." I felt him push out more calming waves, and Bella absorbed them, her body relaxing.

"How close are we to…" Bella's voice faded, as if she were unsure of exactly where she was headed.

Alice piped up from the front seat. "We're just a few miles outside of the nearest town. It won't be long now, Bella."

Jasper pulled back a little, the emotional blanket uncovering Bella slightly. She looked up at me, and as softly as she could, she whispered.

"Can I sit in my own seat, please?"

I felt my jaw tick before I nodded reluctantly. I helped her off my lap, and the warmth she had provided seemed to instantly cool. Bella sat in the seat, and winced slightly as she put her seatbelt on.

Silence filled the car as Jasper and Alice tried not to hear any of what was happening in the backseat. The quiet was awkward, and I could see Bella picking at a non-existent piece of fluff on her sweatpants.

She looked up, and leaned over to see out of the windshield. "I'll give you one thing, Jasper. You sure don't drive as crazy as Edward did."

Jasper laughed, and I smirked slightly, glad that some of the tension had been relieved.

Jasper straightened in his seat. "I can go faster, if you'd like. For old times' sake."

"I think I'll pass." Her dry retort made Jasper snort.

The car was quiet again, and I tried to ignore Alice's visions as she mapped out the rest of our journey. It was a little overwhelming after so long. Part of me was greedy to see what lay ahead of me, and the other turned away from it, not wanting to trust what was there.

The beginnings of a town formed on the horizon, and signs of civilization could be seen out of the windows. A bar on the outskirts, an old strip mall, and a gas station. I tried not to think about what was inevitably coming. I looked over at Bella, her eyes faded, lost in her own thoughts. I fought the urge to touch her, to reach over, close the gap between us and make contact with her.

But if I did that, I would be rejected again, and I simply could not bear that look in her eyes anymore.

All too soon, Jasper pulled into the parking lot of a chain hotel. Its bright cheerful sign obnoxious in the fading light. He came to a stop in front of the main reception doors, and Alice turned around to the back seat.

"You two go on in. The reservation is under Cullen. Bella, your luggage is in the backseat."

Alice looked at me, and rapidly gave me instructions. _Jazz and I will give you guys some privacy. Tell Bella the car is hers, the keys are in her purse. We've signed for the reservation already and it's open for as long as Bella needs. _

I got out, and opened the trunk of the car. Lifting the duffel bag, I hadn't even thought to grab it when I had taken Bella into the woods a week ago. Bella watched as I lifted it, and a smaller looking handbag from the back.

Bella reached for her handbag, and I gave it to her and then led the way inside. She walked beside me, and I could see our reflection in the glass doors before they slid open automatically at our approach.

Both of us looked wounded, and walked as if we were carrying a great weight.

A young man sat behind the desk, and smiled as we entered. _They look like shit. _

"Can I help you?"

I cleared my throat. "Reservation for Cullen. I believe it's already signed for?"

_I wish that cute little brunette was back. I wonder if they're related. Probably not. The brunette looked like she was made of money. _

"Oh yes. Ms. Cullen has already signed for the room. I'll just get your key." He scanned a plastic card through the computer, typed on the keyboard, and then slid the key card to me.

"You're in room 1002. Please call the reception desk if there is anything you need. Breakfast is served in the dining room from seven AM."

I took the plastic card, and started towards the elevators. Bella walked beside me, and I shortened my stride for her, walking at a slower pace to delay what I was on the very cusp of doing. Again.

Leaving her.

Only it was probably more her choice than mine this time.

She pushed the button for the elevator, and the little light lit up with the up arrow. I swallowed and handed her the room key.

"Thanks." Her voice was quiet.

I looked over at her face, and when she saw me looking at her out of the corner of her eye, she turned away from me. But not before I could see the tears in her eyes. A small dull spark of hope fluttered inside me.

"I can stay…if you want."

"No. You should probably go."

And like that, the spark fizzled and died.

The elevator came, and we stepped in.

She looked at me in confusion. "What are you doing?"

I pressed the button for the tenth floor and looked back at her. "I'm going to carry your bag upstairs. Unless you wanted to carry a heavy bag with your ribs still bothering you."

"Oh."

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. The smell of cleaner and vacuumed carpet filled the air, and for me, the overwhelming smell of humans assaulted me. I was going to have to get used to it all over again, after wandering so far outside of civilization for so long. The hum of vending machines filled the quiet hallway, and the ice machine made a soft crashing sound as it extracted ice and restarted its cycle.

Door 1002 loomed in front of us, and Bella fumbled with the card, sliding it into the door, and watching for the small light to turn green. The lock unlatched, and Bella opened the door to a dark room. She fumbled for the light switch before going in.

I followed behind her, and the door shut loudly behind me. The room was large, and knowing Alice, probably the most expensive room in the small hotel. The bed was one of the biggest features in the room, along with a TV befitting the probable cost of the room.

Bella inhaled as she took in the room. "Oh my God. This is too much."

"That's Alice for you. She's paid for the room, and has signed for it as well." I set the bag down on the bed, and awkwardly stood there while Bella looked around her. Her eyes landed on me, and anxiety crossed her features before she tucked it back away.

"I can't accept this."

I shoved my hands in my pockets for want of something to do. "You should. If for nothing else than to let my sister help you. She feels…bad."

Bella blinked. "Does she know…about what happened?"

"Only because she saw you telling me."

Bella nodded, accepting what I said.

"You should know, that car, it's yours. Consider it a gift from Alice and Jasper. I know…you don't do well with gifts but they want to help you."

Bella didn't acknowledge what I said, and turned to part the curtains to briefly glance outside at the darkness.

"I guess…I guess this is it, then." My voice seemed gravelly, and I swallowed past the lump that seemed to be forming in my throat. Bella turned back to me, the curtain swaying lightly as she let it go.

Bella's lip trembled, followed by her whole body. She crossed her arms, hiding her shaking hands. "Alright, then."

I walked over to her, taking her chin in my hands. I looked into her eyes, which shimmered with unshed tears. "Goodbye, Bella."

"'Bye, Edward."

And slowly, I detached myself from her, and turned away. I walked towards the door, but heard her follow me, her footsteps eating up the distance.

"Edward, wait."

I paused, but did not turn around. She appeared on the other side of me, this time a tear making a lonely track down her cheek.

"Will I…Will I ever see you again?"

"I don't know."

She licked her lips, and her eyes were wide as she looked at my face, as if she were trying to memorize every detail.

"Edward…I.."

She stepped closer to me, and I inhaled her scent, filling myself with it, not sure if this would be last time I would drink her in.

Her hands came up to my face, and I closed my eyes as I felt her thumbs trace over my cheeks.

"Kiss me. Just one last time."

How could I not oblige her?

I pulled her gently into my arms, mindful of her tender side. She whimpered slightly, and I looked down at her, but she didn't seem to be in any physical pain.

My lips met hers, and I gently pressed forward, tasting her warm mouth. She was so delicately fragile, and I listened to her heart beat against her ribs as I deepened the kiss. Her hands crawled around my neck, her fingers in my hair. She sighed softly as my tongue touched hers, for the very first time.

I fought not to crush her to me, and tried to pour the love I still harbored for her in the kiss that was supposed to say good bye. But rather than closure, it reopened so many feelings, emotions, and wounds that had been unhealed for years.

Her tongue caressed against mine, her taste nearly my undoing, her warmth enveloping me. Her breasts pressed against my chest, and I wondered briefly what it would feel like to have her skin pressed to mine. Small tingles shot through my body, lighting the parts of me I thought were dead.

The smell of salt assailed my nostrils, and I pulled back to see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Bella? Did I hurt you-"

She shook her head. "Oh, Edward."

I cupped her face as she tried to turn it away from me. "What is it? What's wrong?"

She closed her eyes as a sob erupted from her throat. "Oh, Edward. Just go. Please. Just go."

"Love, I can't leave you like this." I swiped at the tears on her cheeks.

"You have to. Please. That was a mistake. I'm sorr-sorry, Edward. Please go away."

Her hands pushed feebly at my chest.

"I can't, Bella. Not when you're like this."

She opened her eyes, they were bloodshot and anxious. "Please. Go. Away."

Her jaw locked as she tried to hold in how upset she was. She opened the door behind her, and it gaped like a fresh wound.

A couple passed by, and looked inside at the scene.

"Get the fuck out, Edward." Her eyes were wild, and she did not seem to notice we had an audience.

I looked at the couple's faces, then back at Bella's. I knew I would lose this battle of wills. For all my physical strength, it seemed her will would always be stronger.

Drawing my knuckles softly down her cheek, I leaned down so I could whisper in her ear.

"I will always love you, Isabella Swan."

And with that, I left her, brushing past the gawking couple in the corridor. I took the stairs, knowing they would be faster and found my way out into the parking lot. Alice and Jasper had pulled up and idled in a familiar looking Mercedes. I slammed into the backseat.

Alice looked over at Jasper, and he floored it out of the parking lot.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**Special thanks to my ficwife Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader snshyne.**

**Huge hugs and thanks to Ooza for doing me a solid and beta-ing this last minute for me.**

**This was originally featured in the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness. Thank you for those of you who donated. As a fandom we raised a good chunk of dosh for such an amazing cause. The link is still on my profile if you would like more information on how to donate. **

**Thanks. **

* * *

EPOV

The reunion between myself and the rest of the family had been awkward…but good. They were settled in a remote part of Russia where Carlisle was working as a doctor. He had welcomed me home as the prodigal son.

When Jasper parked the car outside of the snow covered house, Carlisle stepped outside, his eyes wistful as he spotted me. His arms opened, and he embraced me. He said no words, knowing I would hear his mind.

_I've missed you, son. Thank you for coming back. _

"I'm sorry."

He pulled back, his hands on my shoulders. Carlisle shook his head, his eyes compassionate. "Don't apologize. What have you to apologize for?"

"I should never have-"

He stopped me. "What's in the past is there behind us. I'm just glad to have my son back."

I nodded, trying to accept his words, wishing he would make it harder for me.

Emmett was waiting for me as I entered the house, his poker face on. He came forward and punched my shoulder. The impact knocked me on my back, and I was sure I'd heard a floorboard almost give way.

"Welcome home asshole." He grinned at me, and offered a hand to help me up.

I returned his smirk and accepted his hand. As I stood, I saw Rose standing by herself, reluctant to greet me.

_I still think you're an idiot. But welcome home._

Esme stood on the carpeted stairs, staring at me like she'd seen a ghost.

I fully turned in her direction. She was waiting for some signal from me; she seemed unsure. I realized then she had been incredibly hurt by my desertion. "Mom?"

Dry sobs tumbled from her lips and I started toward her. She met me halfway, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm back. I'm so sorry for leaving like that."

"Please don't ever do that again."

Twelve weeks later, I would leave again. Only this time, my family and I would be in contact. They understood this was something I had to do. Alice more than the rest of them, although Jasper knew my resolve was steady and deep.

Alice and Jasper drove me to the airport in Moscow, and I had to tell Alice that I had to do this alone for the millionth time.

"I just want to help, Edward." She looked over at me from the front seat.

"I know. Try not to meddle." I flashed her a small smile.

She grinned back at me, mischief in her eyes. "It's what I do best."

_I promise I won't, but you better not screw this up. _

Alice had warned me. She had told me it was too soon, but I was determined. That time in the woods with Bella had been a wake up call. The last kiss, the look on her face, it haunted me.

I had taken far too much for granted. I thought I could exist so long as I knew Bella was somewhere safe and happy. I knew now that it wasn't an existence at all for either of us. How selfish I had truly been.

After my return, Alice and I had a long talk. She had shown me vision after vision of Bella from when I had left her, up until when she was driving along that snowy highway. I had born them all, each image showing Bella like a broken doll.

All of the pain she had suffered, I had caused that.

How could I have been so incredibly asinine in my judgment?

Lost in my own thoughts, I looked up as the engine keyed off and realized we were at the airport. After checking in, I said goodbye to Alice and Jasper. Alice hugged me almost too tight and whispered that she wouldn't be far, all I had to do was call. Jasper shook my hand and we embraced. When I pulled away, his eyes were fierce.

_You can do this, brother. _

By the time I boarded my plane, I was more than ready to face everything that waited for me.

Carlisle had secured me a nighttime position as a doctor in the town where Bella's university was, and Jasper had arranged for all of my documents so I could travel and retain my new employment.

Time ticked by so excruciatingly slow, every minute propelling me closer to Bella. I changed planes in London and again at JFK in New York and then finally touched down in Seattle. The small flight into Port Angeles seemed longer than all of the other flights I had been on, and I collected a rental car before driving to Forks.

Alice and I had gone through this, and I had discussed it with Carlisle as well. I had to go back to the beginning before I could go back to Bella. There were some things I had to take care of.

One, I needed to retrieve some items I had hidden before I left from the Swan house.

Two, I needed to pack some of my things from my family's previous residence and arrange for them to be shipped, along with my car.

After this, I would drive to Florida, and take up my position at the local psychiatric hospital.

The drive to Forks was familiar and brought back a flood of memories. I glanced at the trees that lined the road on either side. A memory resurrected itself, an evening of questions and answers when there was still an innocent sense of newness to Bella and me. Just for old times' sake, I pushed the rental car to its limits. Her voice echoed in my mind.

"_Holy crow!…Slow Down!"_

"_Relax, Bella."_

I chuckled to myself, remembering her worry that I would wrap us around a tree. But my smile faded as more of that conversation came back to me. She had cornered Jacob Black, great grandson of Ephraim Black, whom I had met eighty years prior. Jacob had told her some scary stories that he believed to be tired old legends. How wrong he had been.

"_He told me one…" _

"_Go on…"_

"_About Vampires."_

My hands tightened on the wheel, remembering the moment when that _word_ had seemed to bounce around the interior of my Volvo. The conversation had continued; I had waited for judgment and some sort of damnation or even fear. But not my Bella.

"_You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?"_

"_No."_

And she genuinely hadn't. Until I would later prove to be a different kind of monster. I exhaled from my useless lungs and turned on to the road that led to my old residence.

The driveway was nearly overgrown with vegetation, but I eventually reached the house. It seemed empty and too quiet without the presence of my brothers and sisters.

Parking the car, I fished the house keys out of my pocket. I picked up the scent of wolves in and around the vicinity of the house; it would appear the treaty lines were no longer respected. It bothered me, in a purely territorial sense.

Entering the house, I paused after shutting the door. Dust residue hung heavy in the air and everything was covered in heavy sheets. I keyed in the code for the security system and moved to the stairs, making my way as quickly as possible to my room.

Upon opening the door, I found it just as I had left it: quietly abandoned.

I catalogued in my mind what I would need and got to work. Finding boxes in the attic, I brought them down and systematically packed my possessions. They would be shipped to Florida for my residence there.

Once my things were packed, I made a few quick phone calls to arrange the courier pick up for tomorrow afternoon. I also arranged for my car to be shipped.

Next, I changed out of the clothes I'd been wearing since my flight from Russia. When I was ready, I took off into the woods, jumping the river as if it were nothing more than a puddle. It was almost spring, but there was still snow on the ground.

About three miles away, I heard a howl echo that was soon returned. I listened harder, and could just make out a thread of thought.

_Sam, I've just spotted Edward Cullen. _It was Jacob Black, his voice familiar to me.

_Where? _An authoritative voice answered.

_Just off of the one-oh-one. _

_Keep an eye on him. We can't touch him unless he comes over the treaty line._

I had no intention of going anywhere near the treaty line. I took the familiar route toward Bella's house. The wind blew through my hair, and the exhilaration of my run filled me with anticipation. Although she was not here, her very essence was.

The house was silent, and Chief Swan's police cruiser wasn't in the driveway. It was twilight, the day slowly fading into night.

I made the quick leap to Bella's old window and was able to open it wide enough to slip through.

Her room was different than how I remembered. Her smell was there; I inhaled, filling my lungs. The bed was made, but the colors were different. Bella used to have photos and posters on the wall, but the walls were barren and void of any signs of life. I wondered if this was a product of her move to Florida or if these were things that happened prior.

The feeling in the room was eerie, as if I were trespassing.

The bed was in a different position and was covering the place I was seeking. There was a loose floorboard near the center of the room, and I had to know if Bella had discovered the things I had hidden underneath.

I moved the bed out of the way and slowly lifted the board. My mouth drew into a line as I found the items that lay dormant and undiscovered.

A CD, some photos, and an envelope with two plane tickets inside, now expired. I sat back as I looked at the items in my hands. The photos showed a younger, vibrant Bella standing next to me. I was wholly unworthy of her.

I took the items and replaced the floorboard. Moving the bed back into position, I straightened and then made my way to the window. I slid out and ran back to my house.

The CD contained a melody I had not attempted to play either physically or mentally for a long time. I had an urge to now, the notes coming back to me, piece by piece.

I threw the sheet off of my piano and sat down on the bench. My fingers flexed, and I closed my eyes as they depressed the keys. Music rose from the piano, the song I had written for Bella filling the air.

+SS+

_One week later. Jacksonville, Florida. _

It was late evening, and thankfully, rain was falling gently across the tropical landscape, overcastting the constant sun. I had unpacked the boxes that had arrived today, glad to have some sense of familiarity in this environment. I had remained on the inside of the house for the better part of the day, as the sunshine seemed almost endless.

This evening, as the sun set, I was nervous, a feeling that was foreign to me. I had been able to ascertain where Bella was currently living and planned on making my presence known to her tonight.

I took one last look in the mirror before picking up an envelope from the hall table and heading toward the garage. Sitting in the Vanquish, there was a rightness I felt as I keyed the ignition and it growled to life. I felt like I was finally taking a step in the right direction, fulfilling some destiny, or at least, righting a series wrongs.

I pulled out on to the street, which was quiet. The overhead lights made the world an odd glowing orange. Bella lived in a different neighborhood than me. It was farther downtown and not nearly as quiet or remote. I got the impression from observing the street, that the majority of the residents were college students.

Bella's home was in an apartment complex, and I parked my car outside. Perhaps it was a little ostentatious; I should have come on foot. It was too late now.

I climbed the stairs to her apartment; the doors were not guarded by a buzzer. I paused outside her door, listening quietly. I could hear the thoughts of her neighbors, their televisions, various stoves and accompanying pots and pans. The low hum of a washing machine mingled with the swishing water of a dishwasher at work.

But inside there was only one heartbeat, one quiet mind. Placing the envelope on the doorstep, I knocked on the door once, and then moved at inhuman speed back to the car. I was able to see her from the interior, but she wouldn't be able to actually see me through the tinted windows.

The door opened, and I watched as she looked around. She noticed the manila envelope, her brows furrowing in confusion. Picking it up, she opened it and withdrew the CD that was inside. Her face twisted in further suspicion, and she looked around again. I turned the ignition and backed out of the parking space. My eyes were in the mirror, looking at Bella as she clocked my car driving away. For a moment, it felt as though our eyes met, but I knew that was an impossibility.

Alice had said she would take the CD in, and she would listen to it. More than anything I wanted to be there when Bella heard her lullaby for the first time since we had parted. But Alice explained that if I encroached on Bella's privacy the way I had at the start of our relationship, it would backfire on me.

So instead, I relied solely on what Alice had told me, that Bella would listen to it, and she would cry over memories.

I needed to chip at the walls she had erected around herself. I knew the girl I loved was still there, underneath all of the anger…and I knew the girl who loved me was wrapped up tightly and hidden underneath all of the fear of letting the anger go.

I didn't want to take any more time for granted. Humans were so fragile, and Bella was no exception. I was so much more aware of her fragility now.

+SS+

The days passed, forming weeks. I worked night shifts in the busy hospital, seeming to fit in well enough. It was odd. I hadn't actually worked in a hospital in so long; it reminded me of my time with Carlisle after I received my first medical degree. I missed the closeness of his companionship. It made me wonder how he had lasted centuries alone.

Progress with Bella was slow. Sometimes before my shift at the hospital, I would drive to Bella's and leave something on her doorstep: an old photo, a flower.

In a phone call to Alice, she confirmed that I was slowly advancing forward with Bella. I asked her how soon I could go to see her, and she said she wasn't sure. Bella was wavering so much in her emotions, it was hard to tell.

Perhaps I needed to do something to tip the scales in my favor.

So on my evening off from the hospital, I stood on Bella's front doorstep, my fist raised. I knocked before I could think better of it.

Muted footsteps echoed over the carpet; it sounded as though she was barefoot. I wondered if she would look out of the peephole.

There was a brief pause at the door, and I could almost feel her breath as she leaned against it. I saw her eye briefly at the small hole, and heard the jump in the rhythm of her heart.

She whispered my name, and then I heard her back away. Bella exhaled shakily, and I put my hand on the door, wishing I could help her. The I heard the sound of the locks and latch being undone and Bella's drawn face peaked out at me as I lowered my hand.

"What are you doing here?"

"May I…come in?"

She pursed her lips. "What? I thought that whole inviting you in thing was a myth."

I blew out a breath. "It is. But the things I want to say are not for your neighbor down the hall to hear." I glanced in that direction to see her neighbor's curler covered head poke back inside her doorway.

Bella inhaled and considered for another moment before opening the door wider. She backed out of my way as I stepped forward, and I heard her softly shut the door behind me.

The interior of her apartment was dark, save for a TV screen scattering shadows across the room. The sound was on mute so that the only other sounds was the hum of the fridge, and Bella's heartbeat.

Bella wore a white tank top and a pair of ripped, old jeans. She looked beautiful.

She did not offer me a seat but marched behind me. I felt awkward making my way into her small apartment. The kitchen was to my left, and a dining table which looked second hand was on the other side of a breakfast bar. A couch and chairs sectioned off the other part of the room where the TV blared.

Bella skirted around me, avoiding coming within feet of me, and sat down on the couch. She leaned over, turning on a lamp. It illuminated the room with soft light and Bella blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light.

"May I have a seat?"

She indicated the empty arm chair, and I sat down. Bella stared at me, her eyes piercing, but behind the anger, I could see a wall of hurt.

I started to speak, but she cut me off.

"You are torturing me. I wish you would just leave me alone. I don't know how more plainly I have to state it. Why are you here?"

"To talk-"

She shook her head in frustration. "In Florida. How do you know where I live?"

"Alice."

Her face relaxed a little as she accepted this.

"Edward. I want you to leave. I want you to get out of my life and stop leaving your presents and your music on my doorstep."

"You keep saying that…but I don't think you actually want me to go. If you did, why would you let me into your home?"

"Because I…" Her eyes gave her away as she searched for an excuse.

Even now, the pull to be close to her tugged at every fiber of my existence.

"I need to know, Bella. I can still feel it between us, and I know you do too.""No, it's dead. It died the moment you told me you didn't want me and walked away."

"I've told you that I lied, that I thought that by keeping you out of my life, I was keeping you safe. You deserve so much more than me."

"You're right, I do deserve so much more." Her words were aimed to slice into me. This is not what I came here for.

"It appears that I've said more than enough for this evening. Excuse me."

I stood up and walked towards the door.

"Wait."

It was the hotel room all over again, Bella telling me to leave but asking me to stay once again.

Her feet tapped loudly against the linoleum, and I turned.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch."

A hint of a smile played at my lips. "You're not being a bitch, Bella. I understand why you're angry."

"Do you? I feel like I'm constantly circling myself. I'm always tense, always wrapped up so tight. I feel like at any moment I'm going to explode, Edward." Her voice was quietly hoarse, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Bella…sweetheart. You need to let it go. Stop doing this to yourself." I took a step toward her and she looked at me, afraid. I advanced slowly, and she had the eyes of an animal that knew too much. She shook her head as I came closer, a breath between us. Tentatively, I reach my hand out, and laid it on her bare shoulder.

"Please, Bella. Let me make this right. You know we complete each other. I am more than a fool for thinking I could exist without you or that you could exist without me."

Her voice was an anguished whisper. "Stop, Edward. Why are you doing this to me? I've tried so hard to move on."

"But you haven't. Neither of us have. I can't take back the things I've said or the things that have happened to you as a result. Tell me you don't feel it when I'm near. When I touch you." I settled my other hand on her shoulder, touching her skin. Her heart raced faster, and she looked up at me.

The smell of her tears filled the air between us, and her body trembled underneath my hands.

"Edward, I'm not that girl anymore."

"True, but part of her is still in there. I can see her, still hurting. I love you, Bella, all of you. Let me help you."She cleared her throat in an attempt to control herself. I brushed at the tears on her cheeks, my icy skin and her hot tears a sharp contrast.

Bella blinked, and she swallowed. "I think you've helped enough." Her eyes dropped to my chest, and in a small voice she murmured, "Please leave."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me to leave if that's what you really want."She looked up, and for a moment, I thought she would tell me to leave. But instead her face crumpled, and a ripping sob worked its way up her throat. She shook her head, and I pulled her into my arms. She cried against my shirt, her fiery tears warming my cold skin.

"Please don't go."

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Next chapter will be featured in the Fandom Fights the Wildfires comp. **

**If you follow me on twitter, you may have saw me tweeting pics my dad sent me. My parents could see the smoke from their driveway, and at one point were even evacuated from their home. They were lucky enough not to have lost anything, but there are some families and communities which were deeply affected by the devastation that wild fires can cause. **

**Please consider donating to the Red Cross. There are links on my profile for more information on the Fandom comp, and how to donate. **

**Thank you. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Special thanks to my beta TwilightMomofTwo for pointing out the good, the bad, and the ugly.**

_From chapter 5:_

_"Please don't go." _

Chapter 6:

EPOV

Those words were said with an intense clawing need; an awful loneliness; the gap between us, it gaped wide, a wound that bled deep and dark. I tightened my arms around her, and then bent to pick her up. She didn't fight me, I half expected her to; after carrying her over to the couch, I sat down with her as she continued to sob quietly.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said against my neck.

In the past, seeing her in so much pain, and knowing I was the cause…I would have made a decision to remove myself from the equation. However, it was more than apparent that my belief she would move on, be safer without me, was a myth, a lie. I had caused this heartache, and I would fix it.

"You can, because you won't be doing it alone," I whispered into her hair as I kissed her temple.

"I feel weak, Edward. I feel stupid for letting you back in, but if I let you leave…I don't think I could forgive myself."

I looked down, needing to see her face. "Why? Look at me, Bella." Slowly she turned her tear-streaked face up to mine. "Why couldn't you forgive yourself if you let me leave?"

"Because…" Her body shook with an involuntary sob. "Because even though I fucking hate you for what you did, I love you, Edward. I still fucking love you, and I hate myself for being so weak."

I smoothed away the tears still running down her face with the pad of my thumb.

"Don't hate yourself, love."

She inhaled. "How can I not, Edward? I was a silly little girl four years ago. I didn't know what I wanted, then. The only thing I did know was that I wanted you. Maybe that's unhealthy, and maybe I should have just gotten over it. But how do you get over having your heart ripped away from you?"

There was a pause where her eyes looked into mine, and the angry mask lifted, showing me the vulnerable girl I'd left in the woods.

Suddenly her hands came up to her face, and she rubbed them harshly over her features. "God, I sound so fucking melodramatic. I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Bella."

"I don't even know why you came back for me. I really don't. I'm so pathetic. I should probably have about ninety cats by now and frizzier hair."

"Frizzier hair?"

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. I really need to get going on my path to spinsterhood."

My fingers caressed over her head, weaving through her hair, catching on a tangle. She grimaced slightly, and I pulled my hand gently away.

"First, you are too beautiful for spinsterhood. Secondly, believe it or not, but I am very familiar with self-loathing and the increase of it for loving something you shouldn't."

She blinked at me, and I could see her mind working.

"Do you remember the conversation we had, before we played baseball in the clearing for the first time? You thought I was mad at you."

Her eyes shifted as she recalled the memory, and our voices echoed in my head as the discussion floated back to me. I smiled, remembering the disgruntled look on her face.

"…_I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?"_

"_See what?"_

"_I'm never angry with you - how could I be? Brave, trusting…warm as you are."_

"_Then why?"_

"_I infuriate myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to -"_

_She had put her warm hand over my mouth then, stopping my tirade. Her perfect lips parted and she spoke softly, compassionately. _

"_Don't."_

_I took her hand from my lips. Reluctant to release the soothing presence, I laid it against my cheek._

"_I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."_

I caressed my hand down her cheek, remembering the events that would follow. The desperation and fear I had felt were foreign emotions to me. I wasn't used to feeling vulnerable. My hand traced down her arm, to her wrist. My thumb moved over the place that marked that day forever on her previously unblemished skin.

Bella looked down at the bite mark and then back at me.

"I'm afraid, Edward."

"Afraid of what?"

She licked her lips, and looked away from me, to an inconsequential spot on the floor. "Of myself. Of everything. Of you." The last part was said almost inaudibly.

Although I was dead inside, there was a part of me that twisted in anguish at her admission.

"I'm sor-"

Her hand raised, and she placed it over my mouth. "Stop saying that. Please."

I shook my head, and her hand moved from my lips.

"Love, if it takes me the rest of eternity, I will make up to you all the hurt I've caused and all the wrong I've done to you."

Her mouth grimaced. "I don't know if I can actually stand you trying to make anything up to me, Edward. I just want things to be normal. It's been four years since things were normal. Can we…be normal?"

There was a part of me that needed to atone for my sins, that wouldn't rest until I felt that my penance had been paid. But as always, I could deny her nothing.

"If that is what you truly want, Bella."

She nodded, and I felt some of the tension leave her body. Bella looked at me, her eyes telling me she wanted something, but they were cautious, unsure.

"What is it?"

"Will you stay? Tonight?"

"Yes."

She exhaled, and slowly tested the air between us. Then, inch by inch, her face moved towards me, until eventually she laid it gently against my chest.

Bella sighed, and her body relaxed even more against mine.

"I forgot," she murmured against me, "just how amazing you smell. It's funny. It's like my mind knew what you smelled like, it's something I couldn't really forget. But the memory is so different from the real thing."

I inhaled, her scent burning down my throat. The burn so uncomfortable before was sweetly and torturously comforting. Because it was real and not imagined.

We sat like that for hours. At one point, Bella's entire body became slack against mine. Her breathing slowed, as did her heartbeat. How I had dreamed of this, feeling her warmth, her trust, as she slept soundly in my arms.

I looked down at her, and realized my granite body could not be that comfortable to sleep on. Gently, so as not to disturb her, I stood with her in my arms. She muttered something unintelligible and the arms that had wrapped around my neck tightened.

I sought out her bedroom, it was towards the front of the apartment. The door was only partially shut, and I gently nudged it open with my foot. Inside, the bed wasn't made, the covers tangled and smelling of Bella. I laid her down, and she moaned when I unclasped her hands from around my neck. Pulling the covers over her, she sighed and turned towards me. I joined her, and was transported back to a time when things were simpler and more innocent.

When my love was raw and newly blossomed.

I lay there, holding her in the quiet darkness, my icy skin separated form hers by a layer of cheap polyester covering. I thought about the time we had spent together; it seemed fleeting compared to the amount of time we spent apart.

I was just over a century year old. I had seen wars, new inventions that changed the world, and had watched as humans brought themselves forward, evolving, changing their own histories and destinies. I had read it in their minds, the things they carried in their hearts, and found the emotions puzzling.

Until I had met this small slip of a girl who would forever change me. And I began to understand that emotional push and pull but it took losing that something to make me fully realize the gravity of it all.

Bella rolled over onto her stomach, her face . "No, Edward. Please."

I smoothed my hand over the wrinkle between her eyebrows but it persisted. Her heartbeat sped, and I could smell salt in the air as sweat broke out over her skin.

The tang of adrenaline seeped into the air as the nightmare continued. "Wait! Wait for me, Edward!" The last was said in desperation, and it sliced through me.

"Bella." I shook her shoulders gently. Her legs started to thrash wildly under the blankets. Her knee connected with my leg, and she whimpered in pain. Her eyelids twitched rapidly as she continued to struggle. I pulled her into my arms, trying to calm her.

"Bella? I'm here. Shhhh! I'm here, sweetheart."

Her struggles quieted, and she slipped back into a more peaceful sleep.

When the opening rays of the day turned the sky a soft pink, I knew I had to get back to my apartment. I was reluctant to leave; especially after all the progress we had made.

Bella rolled over, yawning and stretching her arms above her head. She arched her back and the crack of her joints and spine aligning made me cringe. Bella opened her eyes, and turned her head. When her gaze alighted on me, her sleepy mouth rose in a small smile.

"You stayed."

I returned her slight grin. "I stayed."

Her smile fell slightly. "Is this real?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"This. You. Is this real? Or am I dreaming again?"

I thought back to the nightmare she'd had earlier, and frowned. "What usually happens in your dreams?"

"It's all soft and dreamy, and you're here beside me. And then it changes, and we're back in the woods. And you're telling me you don't want me anymore. I chase after you, but you're gone and I'm alone in the woods again."

I closed my eyes for a moment, knowing that I had caused those nightmares.

Her fingers traced over my closed lids, her fingertips hot against my cool skin. I inhaled deeply, a building sigh. Her scent flooded my senses, its intensity making my throat burn, and the rest of me responded as well. Her touch moved to my cheekbones, my chin, my lips.

I was far too aware of the materials that separated us. Four years of space and time, and now mere inches and cheap polyester cotton blends. I wanted to be close to her, closer than I had ever been before.

Opening my eyes, I heard her breath stop at the dark hunger I was sure was there.

"Edward?" Her voice was full of trepidation.

_You're scaring her. _

Slowly, gently, I brought my hand to her face, cupping her chin. I wanted to speak, but there were no words for how I felt.

Possession. Love. Want. Need.

They seemed far too fragile for what roared inside of me.

The kiss we had shared in the hotel room, that had been a goodbye of sorts. A reminder of what was before, and a promise of what may be.

But as my lips met hers, this was altogether different. The desperation from before was replaced by something unnameable. It reverberated through every fiber of me. Her lips on mine, it was soft and slowly building until the small spaces between us vibrated with the need to be filled.

My fingers moved from stroking her face to gliding over her skin, trying to hold her closer to me. She struggled to free herself from the confines of the covers, her legs trying to kick free of the blankets separating us. I tried to help her, and when they were revealed to the early morning light, their soft warmth wrapped around me.

I was captivated by her, and her heat burned through me, resurrecting little pieces of myself I had left on that forest floor four years ago.

Her mouth opened under mine, and my tongue tasted her, licking her lower lip before exploring further. She made a soft sound as her tongue touched mine and my arms tighten around her.

Bella came up, gasping for air, and when her mouth broke from mine I moved down her chin to her neck. Tasting her skin was exquisite torture, but feeling her body shiver against mine when I found a sensitive spot on her neck, it made it all worth the bittersweet burn.

Bella's hands were in my hair, her fingernails scraping against my scalp. Her heart beat faster and faster in her chest, her breathing became more and more erratic as my lips found their way to her collarbone.

I realized then, where we were, who we were, and what I was doing. I pulled back, and looked at her face. She was like a sultry angel, her cheeks flushed, her bruised lips slightly parted.

Bella looked at me in confusion. "What's wrong? Why are you stopping?"

I shook my head at her. "Look Bella. I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I could change-"

"Oh." Bella's hands fell away from my hair, and her eyes drifted to the side as a further flush stained her cheeks. She looked…embarrassed.

My hand came up to her jaw, turning her face back to mine.

"Bella…all the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all away. I want to do this right. I want you, more than anything in the world."

She opened her mouth to say something, but her lips closed before the thought could escape.

"What is it?"

She shook her head, and her eyes blinked, pinching off whatever was working through her head.

"Tell me? Please, Bella?" I tried not to let the frustration come through in my voice at not being able to hear her thoughts.

She pursed her lips, and sighed. "I never stopped wanting you, Edward. Ever. Even at my lowest point. Even when I thought I hated you…I hated myself more. For being so weak, for being so stupid."

"Why?"

Her voice was small and agonized as she answered. "Because you didn't want me in return."

"Oh God, Bella." She tried to pull her chin from my grasp but I wouldn't let her. "Look at me. Stop struggling and look at me." When she complied, I looked into her eyes as deeply as I could. Her pupils expanded and she seemed almost dazed. I'd forgotten how much humans could be affected by that. I backed off a little, and her focus returned.

"I love you and have never stopped. I want you. I messed up badly. It's something I must live with everyday. But I have a reason to change the way I think, the way I feel about things. That reason is you. It took an incredibly horrible decision on my part, that caused us both to suffer. I guess I didn't know what I had until I didn't have it anymore."

A tear drop slipped from the corner of her eye. Wiping the tear from her skin, it seared through me, and I felt real shame again for all the hurt I had caused.

"But that's just it, Edward. You did have it, and you threw it away. You threw me away."

"I didn't sweetheart, you have to believe me. Please try to understand. When you are…like me, it all seems limitless. There are certain parts of you that you assume are always going to be there. And when I met you, you became a living breathing part of me. When my world seemed to threaten you at every turn, how could I endanger the only living part of myself?"

I could see in her eyes she was trying to understand. I stroked my fingers down her warm cheek as I relived again those moments where I said goodbye to her.

"I took my world away from you, to try and keep you safe. I firmly believed that was what I was doing. I was wrong, so wrong. I've learned that now."

Her eyes tried to look away from mine, and her lashes swept down and then back up. When her eyes met mine again, they were full of resolve.

"Just be careful, Edward. Really think about what you're committing to. I don't think I'll survive if you decide what's good for me again."

I had taken so much from her, but mostly, I had taken her for granted.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

I'm not sure which charity will be next, this only has a couple of chapters to go. If you follow me on twitter, I will update there and on my author profile here as soon as I've made a decision.


	7. Chapter 7

**Super spesh thanks to TwilightMomofTwo who not only beta's but sends hugs via e-mail.**

**SHOUT OUT TO MY MEATBALL HEATHER B. SO DOPE, SHE FLY.**

* * *

Progress between us was slow, but steady.

Trust was something I was gradually earning back. Being away from her for long hours made them seem like decades. The minute click and whirl of the clock's cogs drove me to madness at times while I sat in my office at the hospital.

When my shift was finished, I would drive the Vanquish down the still dark streets of the early morning. Its smooth, seamless lines poured over the curves of the road as I drove well over the speed limit.

+SS+

Tonight was momentous. Tonight I was taking Bella for a date that I had been planning for over a month. She had seemed confused when I'd asked her, as it was something we had never properly done before.

It was so very…human.

I had a bouquet of fresh freesias in hand when I knocked on her door. I stared down at my shoes, making sure the shine was still clear enough to nearly see my reflection. The soft thud of her bare feet sounded on the floor, and I heard her breath behind the door as she looked out of the peep hole. The lock clicked, and she opened the door.

Her scent and so many other shocks to my senses hit me at once.

Bella was wearing perfume, and her hair was straightened from its normal wave and it seemed glossier. She wore makeup, which although minimal, enhanced the soft pale peach of her skin and the brown of her eyes. Her curves, wrapped in a purple dress with a plunging neckline, drew my eyes, and my fingers itched to touch her.

Truly, this was not the timid girl from four years ago. In her place was a woman I wanted to know more of. I wanted to trace my fingers along every delectable inch of her. She moved back as I stepped over the threshold.

She smiled nervously at me as I studied her. "What?"

"You are beyond stunning."

She blushed as she opened her palm and revealed two twin pearl earrings and awkwardly attempted to put them in as she moved away from me. Closing the door behind me, I smiled softly at her, trying to put her at ease. When her hands were finally free, I handed her the bouquet.

Her eyes lit up and for a moment I thought she was going to cry, but the emotion was quickly tucked away as she exclaimed over the freesias.

"Flowers! What are they?"

"Freesias. They reminded me of you." Her cheeks flushed deeper, and I wondered if she remembered I had compared her scent to them a long time ago.

She bit her lip as she moved into her small kitchen area and opened a cupboard. I heard her sigh and followed her into the small space.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I don't have a vase."

I felt my brows knit together. "What do you normally put your flowers in?"

Wasn't this something women just had? Alice and Esme had two-day discussions over flower vases.

"I don't um…I don't really get flowers."

Something she'd said in the days at the cabin echoed to me.

_I'm not that girl, anymore. _

And again, I realized the magnitude of all that I had wrought from taking those steps away from her. Closing my eyes against the pain for a moment, when I opened them her back was still to me as she looked into the empty cupboard.

She jumped when I placed a hand on her bare shoulder.

"Why don't you fill the sink with water for now and place them in the sink. I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Okay."

Dropping my hand as she moved, I watched as she plugged the sink, and turned the faucet on. We watched in silence as the sink filled with water. Her heart beat steady, her breasts rising softly with each breath she took.

I wondered if she was as aware of me standing next to her.

Once the water was deep enough, she turned the tap off and placed the flowers gently inside. When she stepped back, she stumbled into me, and my hands automatically caught her. She made a soft _Oh_ of surprise at my touch. Her skin was soft and warm under my fingers, and her smell, stronger in closer proximity, awakened human longings in me as well as the burn in my throat.

We stood awkwardly for a moment, her blush running from her hair line down to her chest. I smiled down at her, and she bowed her head before clearing her throat.

"I…um. Better go put my shoes on."

I released her and she awkwardly walked by me, her cheeks still flaming.

I sighed out of habit and ran my fingers through my hair. I knew that we would be good together, even better than before. When I was in Russia with the family, Carlisle had tried to explain to me about the instinctual pull towards our mates. He said it was a pull like gravity, and that it was unshakeable.

I wondered if Bella felt that same pull. Would it be the same for her, as a human?

She reemerged then from the bedroom. I smiled reassuringly at her, and Bella returned it with a small lift at the corners of her mouth. Her heart picked up as her eyes fully met mine before looking away. That rhythm I recognized; it matched the slight change in her scent when she was nervous or upset.

When she stood in front of me, she fiddled with her small handbag and refused to meet my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head dismissively. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Tell me." I lifted my hand to touch her, but hesitated unsure if it was okay to touch her or not.

She huffed a small breath and gestured towards me. "You are…like…ridiculously beautiful."

I arched an eyebrow at her. "I think that's supposed to be my line. But your point?"

She made a frustrated sound before shifting her weight. "Well…I feel like I'm trying too hard. That no matter what, I'm always just going to look like…I don't belong next to you." She paused, gnawing on her lip before rolling her eyes at me. "And you're seventeen, Edward! I'm twenty-three!"

"I celebrated my 110th birthday last year. I think I'm the one who should be worried about age. Do I look seventeen to you, Bella?"

She sighed and her eyes traveled slowly over my frame. "No. In the suit and everything else, you could pass for twenty-two."

She stopped talking, and her lip ended up between her teeth again. This time, I didn't hesitate, and my hand lifted to her chin, my thumb tugging at her lip, and I waited until her eyes met mine.

"We have a long way to go, you and I. There are things that I did and I don't know if I will ever be able to make up for them. But those are things _I _did. And they should never make you feel _less than_, Bella. You are stronger than me. Your beauty is something you've never been able to see clearly. I told you once that you are far from ordinary. I wish you could see yourself the way I do."

I let those words rest between us, then started again.

"Your skin is soft and creamy; you don't know how difficult it is to keep from running my hands over you. Your lips invite a thousand different kinds of kisses, and I want to be the one to give them to you. Your eyes draw me inside your soul and haunt me long after I am away from you…"

During this, her face changed from a look of disbelief to an earnest need to accept what I was saying as fact. Her eyes welled, and I chanced a soft sweep under them with my thumb, catching a stray tear.

Taking a small step back from her, I allowed myself to hungrily devour her curves with my eyes.

"Your body tempts me worse than before; I could spend forever learning every curve, every dip, every hollow, every secret place that makes you shiver. I want you, Bella Swan. As selfish as it is of me to hope you want me the same way, I can't deny it."

I watched as Bella licked her lips involuntarily and she took a deep breath. Her heartbeat throbbed between us, and the air seemed electrified. I flashed a grin at her, the one that always made her heartbeat speed up.

"We'd better go or we'll miss the reservations I made."

She blinked, and then nodded. I offered my arm as she stepped forward on legs that seemed unsteady. She locked the door behind us, and we made our way down to the car where I opened the door for her.

The engine purred to life, and I drove through the town to our destination.

Her voice softly caressed my ear. "You never did say where we were going, just that it was something I had to get dressed up for."

I chuckled inwardly. "I believe my words were, you may want to wear a dress."

"And…?"

"And perhaps it was my clever ploy to see you in a dress…" I looked at her, a lecherous grin on my face as her jaw dropped.

She smacked my arm playfully and pouted in her seat. "You're a jerk, Edward Cullen."

"You're probably right." I arched an eyebrow at her.

Internally I was happy at her slowly melting fear of making physical contact with me. Although she had allowed me to hold her, and I had kissed her, the days following had shown me that she was afraid to be close to me. Every time she hesitated when I moved into her space, or the way we orbited around each other when I came to visit, there was a tightness around her mouth and eyes that was very disconcerting.

And I realized that this was because she was afraid to let me back in.

Tonight, I hoped to bridge some of the gap, and remember some of the foundation we had of our relationship and love we once had.

As I pulled into the parking space near the Art Centre, I wondered if Bella had ever been here. Her eyes wandered over the imposing white architecture that overlooked palm trees and other native flora.

"My mom brought me here once. They played a Christmas Carole symphony by candlelight one year. It was like magic."

I pulled into the lot and found a space near the front. Cutting off the ignition, I was out of the door and at hers before she could step out. Knowing the car was close to the ground, I held my hand out to help her out. There was a small moment of hesitation, but she put her hand in mine, letting go as soon as she was upright. The warmth from her skin lingered on mine.

We shared a nervous smile before I escorted her across the street to the glass front door of the building. A confused look spread across her face at the empty lobby.

"Are we late? Where is everyone else?"

I shook my head. "We're not late. It's a special exclusive show."

She blinked, trying to take in what I was saying, but not quite understanding.

I knew which theater we were heading to, having arranged all of this four weeks ago, at Alice's insistence. The theater itself was empty, and the house lights were dim. On stage sat a full orchestra, in the middle of warming up, each instrument shining under the softly lit stage as the musicians shuffled in their seats.

I led Bella to the middle seats and she still didn't understand what was happening. Once we were both seated, she continued to look around us for others, and so missed the nod I gave the conductor who nodded in return.

The music started out softly, and Bella stared at the front, her eyebrows drawn together. Strings softly frenzied, like birds taking flight. I smiled as I heard the arrangement out loud for the first time. It had been in my head for years but now…now it was perfection.

And at the first familiar note, I heard her breath catch.

B flat, A, G, E, D, G, B, A.

My fingers twitched, itching to play. Those innocent notes, she had inspired them and, as a result, had heard them countless times. The first time she had ever been to my house, I had played it for her. And when I held her at night after sneaking into her room, I had hummed the tune under my breath until her breathing was deep and even, her steady heart beat softly resting.

Her lullaby.

My fingers may have longed for the keys of my piano but my arms wanted nothing more in that moment than to hold her. I watched her face, and saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. I reached over, almost automatically, and wiped them away. I didn't want to disrupt the sound of the music, so I whispered softly in her ear.

"I love you, Bella."

The notes finished strongly, and there was silence until the next piece drifted on the air to us.

The delicate opening notes to Debussy's _Claire de Lune_.

Bella released a shuddering breath and turned her head to me.

"This is…thank you. Thank you, Edward." Her trembling hand swiped at another stray tear and I looked into her beautiful face.

"I want you to know I will never take you for granted again, that I love you beyond anything else. I would do anything for you, Bella."

She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, there was something there of the Bella I had known from Forks.

There was hope sparkling behind the tears.

"I love you, too Edward."

We listened to the rest of the music I had requested for the night. It was only about an hour's worth, but it seemed over with far too quickly. Through the performance, Bella progressively leaned closer to my side, and at one point, I thought she was going to put her head on my shoulder.

We stood up at the end of the performance, Bella clapping her hands as the conductor bowed and the musicians smiled from behind their instruments. The conductor nodded at me, a smile on his face and I could hear his thoughts clearly from where I stood.

_He must love that girl. _

More than you know, sir.

Bella and I left the theater, and once outside, we walked around to the back of the building, which overlooked the St John River.

Stars dotted the inky sky, and the river glittered from the lights of the bridges above it. I shortened my stride to Bella's, and we walked side by side. Our bodies seemed to gravitate towards each other but we didn't touch.

Greedily, I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to know what she was thinking; her silent thoughts were locked away behind her brown eyes which told me only vague answers as she looked out across the water.

"What are you thinking?"

She inhaled, searching for words. "I don't know how to…be with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I spent so much time convincing myself that I hated you but I knew deep down that I couldn't. It was nearly impossible to actually hate you." Turning her face to mine, she searched my features looking for answers as well.

I watched as she gently moistened her lips before continuing. "I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know how to let you be close to me."

"If I could make a suggestion?"

Bella raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

"Perhaps you're thinking about it too much."

She huffed, and her shoulders fell slightly. "I know…I know. But you understand why, don't you? I think I need you to understand just how much I've been at war with myself, how I've tried to nurture all this anger and rage towards you."

"I do understand, Bella. I think it is a miracle you're letting me close to you again, in all the infinite ways I hurt you. I am so sor-"

She placed a finger against my lips. "I think I've heard you say that enough."

Bella dropped her hand, and I resisted the urge to taste the lingering warmth from her finger.

I looked at her then, my eyes trying to convey how much I wanted her, and I heard her heart stutter and pick up.

"Edward…" My name was a soft sigh from her lips, and she seemed reluctant to finish her sentence.

"What is it?"

"I just miss you. I miss you in my space. We used to move together, even as awkward as I am and as graceful as you are. I don't know how to…" She pursed her lips in frustration as she tried to voice her thoughts.

My eyes stared into hers, trying to read deeply into them. "Tell me. Tell me what you want."

She licked her lips again, and her lashes fluttered. A stray breeze caught a wisp of her hair and blew it across her face.

"I want you to kiss me."

I brushed the wisp away from her face, and she slowly closed her eyes as my lips found hers. My hands were in her hair, her hands were on my chest, sliding up towards my neck. Her soft lips were pliant, and her warm breath burned in my throat. The heat was overridden by the need that snaked through me. I needed her closer. My hand swept to her back pulling her closer to me. I heard a soft growl of need from my chest, and I paused hoping I hadn't scared her.

She made a soft sound in her throat and pressed herself closer as her tongue touched my lower lip. Her heart beat desperately inside her, as my mouth opened with hers, drawing in her taste. The heat from her body slowly warmed me. I wanted more of it, more of her.

I soon realized that if we were to continue, we would most likely be arrested for public indecency.

I pulled back slightly, the broken kiss making a soft smacking sound between us. "Bella…"

She made a soft questioning sound and leaned forward to reconnect her dewy and slightly swollen lips with mine. I groaned at the sight of them.

"We should stop."

"Why?"

"Well…public nudity wasn't really on the agenda tonight."

Her lovely eyes opened, and a blush stained her cheeks. I reached to caress the warmth.

She wrinkled her nose at me. "Public nudity?"

I nodded and winked at her. She giggled and then pressed her lips together before stealing another quick kiss from me. I chuckled softly, and the soft smile on her lips didn't fade.

We reluctantly pulled apart and walked side by side to the car. Between us, our hands found each other. They went together awkwardly at first, but our fingers were able to intertwine eventually, finding familiar places to rest together.

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**Thank you for your continued patience.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Special thanks to TwilightMomofTwo who somehow is able to make sense of my abuse of the English language.**

**And you, gentle reader, thank you.**

* * *

The date night had been a turning point for both of us.

Much of the hesitancy evaporated, and some of the balance that was missing over the last few months, and even from the beginning, was falling into place.

Spring blossomed over Florida, and Bella threw herself into her studies, her final moments as an undergraduate culminating into one final month.

In between the stresses over exams and essays, Bella came to my residence, and sometimes I came to hers. We were relearning each other. Bella was older now, and I felt like I was getting to know her all over again.

And this time, I did not take this for granted.

When we were apart, through the constraints of work, school or even the sun, I phoned her. This was something we had established between us although we had never phoned each other in the past.

I held my cell phone to my ear, the anticipation at the sound of her voice causing me to pace across my hallway.

"Hello?" She sounded slightly nasal and her tone was off.

I paused, straining to listen. "Bella? Are you okay?"

She sniffed. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just coming down with a cold, I think."

"Are you sure? You sound as if you've been crying."

"I'm fine. Really. Everything is A-Okay." Her voice cracked slightly.

"You _have _been crying." I reached for my car keys and went into the garage, hitting the switch for the door. "I'm on my way."

"You don't have to do that." It sounded like she was on the verge of tears again.

"I do, actually. What happened?"

"But it's sunny out."

"Bella, what happened? Are you hurt?" I keyed the ignition and backed out, closing the garage door with the remote.

"I'm fine. I just had a fight with my mom…" Her voice went up several pitches and the rest of what she said was incoherent, even to my ears. I could hear her trying to suppress how upset she was.

"I'll be there in five minutes."

She whispered a watery _okay_ into the receiver and hung up. She was right, the sun posed a dilemma. There was a tree just outside her apartment building that provided some shade; I was going to have to snake along her building under the tree cover and then race up the stairs.

Pulling into a parking space, I listened for anyone else outside. By pure luck, the sun went behind a cloud. Taking my chance, I moved a little too quickly, but made it up to her door. She was waiting for me and opened up before I could knock.

Bella's face was splotchy, her nose red and her eyes slightly swollen, but she managed a small smile as I moved over the threshold. Shutting the door behind me, I felt awkward for a moment, not quite sure what she needed from me most. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and soothe her.

But Bella knew what she wanted, and she walked forward, her head bowed and I had time enough to open my arms before she was laying her cheek against my chest, her arms wrapping around my waist.

I whispered her name as I kissed the top of her head, and her body trembled against mine. I stroked down her spine, and she slowly exhaled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I murmured into her hair.

"Not yet," she whispered. We stood there, my hands soothing over her back as she let me hold her.

Finally she sighed and spoke into my shirt. "Seriously, you should bottle the way you smell. You would make a fortune."

I chuckled softly. "I don't think I need to make any more fortune than I already have."

She inhaled before speaking again. "Well, can I bottle you and make a fortune?"

"What's mine is yours, Bella."

And I didn't mean the silly notion of my scent. I would give her everything I had, wanted to share everything with her, but it was too soon for me to mention those feelings. I didn't want to scare her away.

These past few months had meant everything to me. I had been happier than I could remember.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Come lay down with me? Like we used to?"

"Okay."

She took my hand and led me into her bedroom, and I watched as she turned down the covers and got into bed. Taking off my shoes and belt, I followed suit. She rolled herself into my arms, her face buried in my neck as I pulled her closer to me.

"I told my mom about you…being here. And us. I told her about us."

"What did she say?"

"She said I was an idiot for considering taking you back." I could hear the emotion welling at the back of her throat as her voice seemed more and more strained. The scent of her tears grew stronger, and the telltale warm trickle against my neck confirmed that she was crying. I squeezed her gently.

"And I told her that she should stop being so judgmental, and the fact that it felt like I had raised her at times rather than her raising me left her no foundation to pass judgment on what I choose to do with my life.

"I also told her I never once questioned why she had left Charlie, who was obviously so in love with her still, and that she should at least give me the same amount of respect. She told me I didn't know anything about the world or real life. I was so angry I told her never to call or speak to me again, because I certainly wouldn't be talking to her."

I sat quietly, letting her talk. She continued on, telling me about how she felt like Renee hadn't let her forget just how my leaving had affected her. Bella confessed that she suspected Renee was projecting her issues with Charlie on to her, and so had distanced herself from her mother as much as she could.

On the rare occasion that Bella did share a part of herself, Renee somehow flipped the conversations so that Bella was the adult, the parent, the caretaker again.

I could feel anger rising inside me, but wisely kept it to myself. I had only met Renee once, and my first impression of her continued to resonate.

It had been that time in Phoenix when Bella had nearly been killed by a nomad vampire. Renee had made it to Phoenix, and had rushed straight to the hospital to be with her daughter. She had walked in to Bella's hospital room, and hadn't noticed me sitting on a chair in the far corner of the room of the curtained room. Bella was still unconscious, still to wake up from her ordeal.

And all Renee could think about was how she would cope if Bella died.

I remembered thinking, _died? Died? _She was slowly healing, had gotten over the worst part, and Renee had imagined Bella dead as the strong and steady pulse of her heart echoed on the monitor

How selfish and shallow could she really be? Bella had pretty much summarized this evening the extent to which she could sink.

Bella found it difficult to socialize with her peers, only really talked to a few people on campus but related to her professors more. In high school, I recalled people being drawn to her that first day when she had joined in the middle of the year. She shied away from them, keeping her involvement to a minimum. She hated social situations and preferred her own company or smaller gatherings.

I wondered how much of this was a product of Renee's incapability to look after herself and clinging to Bella in an odd and unhealthy role reversal between parent and child.

Never again would Bella have to worry about that. I would protect her, I would never leave her to deal with things by herself again.

I squeezed Bella, and she sagged further into me, her warm sigh tickling against my neck. "Mmm. This feels good," she murmured.

"What does?"

"This. Just lying here with you. You're so comfy."

I raised an eyebrow in reaction to that. "Hardly."

She snuggled closer. "You really are. It's like magic." She inhaled softly against my neck and I shifted so I could look at her.

"Did you just sniff me?" The beginning of a grin pulled at my lips.

She blushed clear to her roots. "No."

"You're still a terrible liar. You sniffed me."

She rocked against me. "So what if I did? Is sniffing a crime now?"

"It could be a punishable offense."

She bit her lip, and looked at me from beneath her lashes. "Book'em, Danno." And then she winked.

I growled playfully and heard her heartbeat quicken. I rolled us lightening quick, and Bella gasped as she found herself on her back with me looming over her. Our bodies fit together as her quick breaths pressed her soft stomach to my stone hard frame. As one of my knees slid between her thighs, I placed on either side of her shoulders as I continued to growl in my throat.

This was new territory for us, something we had never done before, but it was exciting. Her lips were parted, and another gasp followed as I leaned in and my nose touched the soft, delicate skin of her neck. Her pulse beat erratically there, and I couldn't resist kissing the throbbing beat under her chin.

I blew on the wet kiss, my breath creating goose bumps across her skin. I inhaled, her smell just as intoxicating as before, the burn in my throat almost pleasurable. When I reached her ear, I snarled as her hips shifted subtly, the smell of her arousal in the air.

She jumped at the sound so close to her ear, and I pulled back to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head, a flush tinting her cheeks. "Don't be. You're kinda sexy when you growl. Anyone ever tell you that?" Her fingers reached up to brush down my face. I closed my eyes briefly at her touch.

"I don't think I've ever been like this with anyone."

"Good." Her eyes were serious, and there was something almost possessive in them.

"Good?"

She nibbled her lower lip. "Yeah. Good. Is it horrible to be happy that you didn't…you know…with anyone else?"

The shade of her cheeks deepened, and the playful atmosphere was gone. I went back to my place beside her, and she turned towards me.

"And did you…with anyone else?"

"I meant what I said. I just couldn't. I wanted to sometimes…just to make the hurt go away. To be a different person. But I just couldn't."

Her body shifted, and I didn't know if it was conscious or unconscious, but she moved closer to me, fitting her body to mine.

I moved my fingers over her pink cheekbone, her skin so warm. At my touch, her heart fluttered, and I found myself smiling at her.

"Bella, you and I both know it's wrong to be so tied to someone that my existence and your life stop without the other. I am dead, for all intents and purposes. But you're so alive…why, Bella?"

She didn't understand, and her eyebrows pulled together as she looked at me. "Why what?"

My hand moved to cup her jaw, my fingers threading through her hair. "Why me? You are so much more than me."

She shook her head. "I'm not. You're so…perfect. I should be asking that question."

"I'm far from perfect but I find that I cannot stay away from you. The fierce protectiveness to ensure your safety, the feelings you stir inside of me are beyond any human emotion I can describe."

She inhaled and her voice was whisper soft when she spoke. "I love you, Edward. I hated living a life without you, hated it. I hated being so angry with you and myself all the time. I want to leave that behind us. Can we draw a line under it all? I just want to move forward, instead of looking back."

I nodded. "Are you sure? Is there anything else you want to ask me before we 'draw a line'?"

She blinked, and I watched as she swallowed before asking me whatever question had bubbled in her head.

"Where did you go? Where have you been for four years?"

"I wandered mostly. I tried to track Victoria."

I felt a shudder run through her body at the mention of that name.

"I guess you didn't find her."

I sighed, fresh guilt washing over me. "No. She was very elusive. I suspect it was a talent of hers."

"Did you ever want to come back?"

"Every moment."

"Why, Edward? Why didn't you?" She shifted in my arms so she could see my eyes.

"I was afraid for you. The night of your birthday, the fear in your eyes. I didn't want me or my world to ever be the cause of that."

She processed that but then looked up at me. "But if something had happened you would have protected me, yeah?"

I nodded.

She laid her head back against my chest and murmured softly against my still heart. "You should trust yourself more, Edward Cullen."

She was right, of course. I stared down at her face, and just before my lips met hers I had a small epiphany:

Prior to her disastrous birthday party, my life had seemed set. Bella was deeply ingrained in my very being, and I could not conceive of living my life without her. I had taken for granted that I would stay by her side for the rest of her life, loving her, protecting her.

Until a simple paper cut caused me to make the most foolish decision of my entire existence, thinking that I could better protect her from my world by removing myself from hers.

That singular decision had changed everything.

I realized that I had been given a second chance, and never again would I forget just how each moment, each touch, every breath and every word from her was a gift that had been bestowed upon me, and I would never take anything for granted again.

I watched Bella's eyes close just as my lips touched hers. My own eyes drifted shut as I pressed my lips to hers, and kissed her until she was breathless.

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**Thank you for reading.**

**One chapter left...**


	9. Chapter 9

Bella's hand linked with mine, and she leaned forward to look out the plane window at the landscape below us.

"We should be landing soon." I brought her knuckles to my lips, and kissed the delicate skin between each bone. I smiled as her heartbeat quickened slightly.

Her voice was weary as she spoke. "I can't wait to be home."

I ran my thumb over her knuckles, marveling at the beautiful gift the last few months had been.

Bella and I had repaired the foundation of our relationship and had built something much stronger than what we had before. We both seemed so much more secure with the other; both of us felt _good enough_. We had learned about each other through shared experiences.

But there were still mountains to climb. A pink elephant still occupied the space between us at times that Bella had only addressed once.

In the darkness of her room, the night after she had graduated, she lay dozing quietly in my arms. A summer rain shower gently pattered against the building, filling the darkness with the soft applause of rain.

"Edward?"

She turned in my arms so she was facing me, her sleepy eyes opening to try and see my face.

"Yes?"

"Where is this going?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, where are we going? You can't stay in Florida forever. You can barely come out during most of the day as it is."

"I know."

"So where does that leave us?"

I sighed and moved my fingers over her cheek. "I can't ask you to rearrange your whole life. You have plans here. Your friends are here. So is your mother."

She licked her lips, and her hand moved between us, her fingers making lazy circles on my chest.

"I've been thinking about taking a year off from studying."

"To do what?"

She shrugged with one shoulder and her eyes couldn't quite meet mine. "I've always wanted to see Europe…and I have some money saved up. You could come with me, if you want."

My hand reached up to grasp hers where it was doodling over the place where my heart should be beating.

"Bella, of course I'll go with you."

"Really?"

"Where else would I be than with you?"

"Thanks." The soft smile that spread across her mouth beckoned me, and I leaned forward to kiss it.

"I love you, Bella Swan." I murmured against her lips.

"I love you too, Edward Cullen." The last part of Cullen was tangled up in a huge yawn.

I squeezed her hand. "You're still so tired. You should sleep."

She bit her lip as if she was struggling with something else to say as I wiped away the small tears on her cheeks that resulted from her yawn.

"Was there something else?"

"Yeah."

I waited, patiently at first but then grew impatient as the seconds formed a minute.

"Bella?"

"Sorry. I just don't know how to ask about his and I'm trying to say it the right way."

"You can ask me anything."

"Will you promise not to be mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you." I kissed her lips and looked into her eyes. "Frustrated? Yes." I kissed her again. "An overbearing protective caveman? Yes." Again, my lips met hers. "Mad? No."

"I'm just gonna say it then, before you make me forget with your dazzle, Edward Cullen."

I chuckled and straightened up so I could see all of her face. "Dazzle? I still dazzle?"

A blush tinted her cheeks and she rolled her eyes. Then she took a deep breath and started.

"I know we talked about this before, but over the last few months it's been closer and closer to the forefront of my mind. I don't want to put you under pressure but you need to know that this is where my head is at." She inhaled, and the words came tumbling from her mouth in one long jumble.

"I want you forever and I hope you feel the same way and I want to ask you when you're going to change me because I'm afraid of time running out or getting older or sick or dying or whatever and I just want to be with you like this."

Her words made me pause, unsure how to respond. I had been thinking about this, and whether this was an option that I should consider.

Taking her soul away from her seemed incredibly selfish if it meant just so I could have her with me for the rest of eternity.

What if it was something she wanted too? Was it something I would be strong enough to do? Could I damn her to this life?

Tentatively, I began. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying _if_. If I did this, there is no going back. You have to be beyond a shadow of a doubt sure that it's what you want. And there are some other things to consider…"

This had not been the way I had wanted to discuss this particular topic but since her cards were on the table, it was time to show mine as well.

"Like what?"

"Well…marriage for one."

Her heart rate kicked up, and her breathing paused before picking back up again.

"I want to give you everything of myself, Bella. I want you to know you're my whole world and I want to share all that I have, all that I am with you, but I want you to be sure that it really is what you want."

She blinked as she processed what I'd said, her eyes straying to my shoulder before she blinked again and struggled towards the bedside table.

"What are you-"

"I'm trying to turn the light on, I want to see your eyes."

I reached over for the wire to the small bedside lamp. Flicking the small switch, the room was bathed in soft, warm light.

Her eyes strained at the sudden light, but adjusted as she focused on my face.

"Edward, I've had four years to think about what I want, and more than enough time living without what I wanted. All I want is you. I don't have much to bring to the table-"

"What is mine would be yours-"

"But-"

I placed a finger over her lips. "No buts."

She pursed her lips and I removed my fingers. "Edward, I want you to be mine and I want to be yours forever. No matter what."

It was my turn to sharply inhale at her words. "You're sure?"

She nodded. "I'm sure."

"And marriage?"

"Has never been high on my list of things to do, but if it's something that you want then I suppose I could go through with it."

"You say the loveliest things, Bella Swan." I said, my tone dry.

She half-shrugged. "It's just not something I wanted for myself."

I rolled us over until I was once again looming over her, her eyes looking into mine. I dropped a kiss on her lips and traced her chin with my nose before kissing my way to her neck and down to the hollow of her collarbone. She shivered beneath me.

I kissed my way back up to her ear and once there, I whispered. "Trust me, it will be."

"Wh-What does that mean?"

I kissed her earlobe. "I haven't even proposed yet. We'll see how dazzled you'll be then, Isabella Marie."

Her whole body trembled as I used her full name and her hands went into my hair as I moved to capture her lips.

+SS+

The following day, Bella made arrangements with the University about her grad program, explaining she needed a year off before starting again. Her mentor was disappointed, but understood.

After her meeting, Bella came over to my apartment to look over the plans for our summer. I suggested a few places as I scrolled through the internet: Venice, Paris, Madrid, London, Edinburgh, Berlin, to name a few. Bella's eyes lit up at each name, her eyes lighting up at each mention.

If she'd let me, I'd give Bella the whole world, but for now, for this summer, we would conquer Europe.

I called Alice and with her help managed to plan the entire months of June, July, and August around the sunnier days. Bella was giddy; she practically vibrated with excitement. She called her mother, with whom she had reached a silent truce, and then phoned Chief Swan, who expressed his worries over flying off to foreign countries.

"Be careful, Bella, and make sure you have a way of calling home if you need to."

"I will, Dad. I'll bring you something back."

"Just bring yourself back home safe and in one piece, kid. That's all I want."

Bella paused and her voice was tight with emotion as she spoke. "Love you, Dad."

That summer seemed to go on forever and if I thought I had been happy in Florida, even with the perpetual sunshine, Europe proved to be even more.

Everything had a newness to it, every experience enhanced because she was a part of it. Our love seemed to grow more consuming, more intense, and the pull between us was at times nearly painful.

And now on our return home, the bond between us seemed unbreakable.

At Bella's request, we were flying to Seattle to see Charlie. Unbeknownst to her, I had already spoken with her father who had grudgingly forgiven me after yelling at me for almost an hour before finishing with the threat that I had better be good to his little girl. The or else was implied.

We touched down, and after collecting our baggage and checking ourselves onto a smaller plane in Port Angeles, we were another step closer to home. This was only a shorter hop, and by the time we stepped out of the airport, the overcast September sky began to rain.

Bella was by my side as I pushed the cart with our luggage, her hand in one of mine as our bodies brushed against the other. I grabbed the keys out of my pocket for the rental car and located the Maserati I had requested. Bella shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"A little ostentatious, isn't it?"

I grinned at her. "I'm not a high school kid anymore, or have you forgotten?" I raised an eyebrow at her, and she blushed.

Once en route to Forks, Bella yawned. She covered her mouth and smiled at me.

"I don't even have an excuse to be tired. I just spent the last twenty-four hours sitting down on a plane."

"Do you want to see Charlie first or would you like to freshen up? I have the keys for the old house. Alice sent them through to me while we were in Germany."

"Freshen up first. If that's alright."

I smiled at her face, and felt an almost overwhelming surge of love for her.

"Of course, love. You don't need to ask."

We drove on for a bit, and once we reached Forks, Bella snickered in her seat. When she didn't expand on her laugh I asked her what was funny.

"If someone had told me I would be driving in an Italian sportscar with Edward Cullen down the 101, I would have told them to seek professional help."

That small place inside me which still harbored guilt over what I had done to her and us twisted. I wasn't able to mask my expression before she noticed it.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so flippant. I honestly didn't. I'm sorry."

Her hand came to rest on my arm, her fingers moving up to my shoulder.

"It's okay. I think there will always be a small part of me that doesn't know how to forgive myself for what I did."

"Edward, I forgave you months ago. Please don't carry around any guilt. It happened but it made us stronger, didn't it?"

I sighed. "Yes, but the thought of all that I put you through, of all that happened…"

"Edward, pull the car over."

"We're almost-"

"Please pull the car over."

I downshifted, and pulled the car onto the shoulder. Bella opened her car door, her seatbelt making a growling hiss as it retreated. I got out as she stepped onto the gravel and she walked around the front of the car to me.

Before I could speak, she wrapped her arms around me, and pressed her soft, warm body to mine.

I whispered her name into her hair as my arms pulled her tighter against me. The guilty voice faded to a small echo as Bella's heart beat against me.

"Don't feel guilty, please don't. I love you too much for there to be any guilt left. I honestly just want to move on from it."

"I'll try."

"Thanks," she murmured into my polo shirt.

We stood like that for several more minutes, the rain soaking my hair, and I worried that Bella was going to catch a chill in the damp air.

"We should probably get going."

"Okay." She raised her chin so she could look me in the eyes. "I love you, Edward."

A smile raised the corner of my mouth. "I love you too, Bella."

Slowly, we untangled ourselves from each other before getting back into the car and driving to my family's old residence in the woods. Bella's hand found mine across the console and held on to me all the way from the road to the driveway.

Once inside, I carried our luggage upstairs, with Bella trailing after me. The house was eerily quiet, and the musty smell of disuse hung in the air.

I opened the door to my bedroom, and Bella followed behind me as I set the luggage down. I gestured to the bathroom. "The hot water heater should be already on, but I would let the water run for a little bit, just in case."

Bella nodded and opened her luggage to get what she needed before disappearing into the bathroom, the door closing softly behind her.

While she showered, I remembered that time in Italy when she had shyly asked me if I wanted to shower with her.

It was the way she had said it: her voice nervous, her eyes barely able to meet mine, her heart beating crazily against her chest…I couldn't say no.

It was the first time we had really explored each other physically.

I smiled at the memory, remembering what had followed…later on.

Still smiling, I reached for a clean set of clothes from my own suitcase. As I changed, I remembered the way Bella had let me towel her dry, her skin flushing as I stole a taste of water on her skin.

My thoughts were interrupted as Bella stepped from the bathroom, toweling her hair. She wore a white cotton summer dress. She dug in our luggage for her blow dryer, and I smiled as she carried it back into the bathroom.

Knowing she would be more than a moment, I quickly dug through my case for the small box that had arrived in the same package with the house keys in Germany. Alice's handwriting had been brief.

_Make good use of both of these. _

I quickly opened the little box to make sure the ring was as I had last saw it.

Satisfied, I snapped the box shut just as Bella stepped out of the bathroom. I slipped the box into my pocket before she noticed it in my hand. She had finished drying her hair, and it curled softly and naturally around her face.

Bella smiled at me as she pulled a powder blue cardigan from our bags. I helped her put it on, and she slipped her feet into a pair of shoes.

At that moment, Bella's stomach growled and she blushed. "God, that's embarrassing."

I chuckled and looked down at her rosy cheeks. "We should get you something to eat? C'mon, I know a place."

I reached for the key ring for the house and smiled at the Volvo key also attached. I raised an eyebrow at Bella and motioned to the garage door.

"Would you like to take the Volvo for old time's sake?"

"Yeah sure." She shrugged her shoulders, and I held open the door to the garage. I flicked the light switch on, and my eyes fell on the familiar shape of the Volvo under its protective cloth cover. I pulled the cover off, throwing it on Rose's workbench and hit the button to unlock the doors.

I opened Bella's car door, and a thousand familiar scents assailed me; a thousand more memories followed.

The first time she rode in the Volvo when I dropped her off at home after the blood typing scare.

Every time I picked her up for school, the way her scent had burned in my throat, and how my body was so aware of hers next to mine.

Tonight we would make new memories.

Bella sat down, and I gently closed the door and moved to the driver's side. Once behind the wheel, I keyed the ignition and turned on the lights.

Pulling out of the garage, I turned down the road, and we were flying towards Forks. It was an Indian summer, and Bella rolled the window down just as the sun started to set.

She looked over at me, a wistful smile on her face as the breeze blew soft wisps of her dark hair into the air.

"Where are we going?"

I smiled. "You'll see."

I thought about what I was going to do, how far we had come and why I never wanted to live another moment without making Bella officially mine, in every way possible.

Forty-five minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of La Bella Italia.

Bella snickered and looked at me. "You know, I've heard the mushroom ravioli they serve cures what ails you."

I smiled at her. "You won't be too spoiled after having the real thing in Italy?"

She wrinkled her nose. "No way. This place is total nostalgia."

I parked the car, and Bella waited for me to open the door, used to my habit. She took my hand and I led her up the steps to the front door.

As luck would have it, our table was free, and I asked the hostess to seat us specifically there. As the waitress left with our order, Bella rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"Some things never change," she huffed.

I raised an eyebrow.

She motioned with her hands. "You…with the dazzling and the flirty waitress who desperately wants you to admit that I'm your sister and that you're very available."

I smiled at her. "You and I both know that nothing is farther from the truth."

She blushed and muttered as she fussed with the napkin in her lap. "You don't play fair, Edward Cullen."

The waitress brought our drinks, and when I ignored her, she walked away with a disappointed sigh. A candle flickered gently on the table as Bella sipped at her drink, and silence fell between us as I struggled to decide when to make my move.

_I've waited far too long. Now. I will do it now. _

"Bella. I'll be right back. Don't move, okay?"

Her eyes looked confused but she nodded. "Is everything alright?"

I smiled at her. "It will be."

I located the hostess and slipped her a fifty dollar bill. "I would like you to tell our waitress not to bring us our food for the next ten minutes. And on my signal, please bring us a bottle of champagne and two glasses?"

She nodded vaguely, her eyes transfixed on my face. "Uh huh. Don't bring the food, and a bottle of champagne when you say so."

"Thanks."

I made my way back to the table where Bella was watching warily. She sat at her end of the booth, and looked up at me nervously as I stood in front of her.

Slowly, I got down on one knee, and her mouth dropped open.

"Edward!"

I took her shaking hand in mine, and pulled the ring box from my pocket.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I took what we had for granted. I will never do that again. Our time together will be limitless, but everyday with you will be something new that I will treasure. I love you, and promise to love you every day of forever. Will you marry me?"

Bella was speechless, her face scarlet, and she nodded and whispered a yes as I opened the box to reveal my mother's ring.

"It was my mother's. I hope it fits."

"Oh, my God," she whispered, her hands shaking worse now as I slowly slid the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly, and she stretched her arm out to look at her hand.

"I love you, Edward." She kissed me then, and I kissed her back, a fevered kiss that held the promises we hadn't quite spoken to each other yet.

But we would.

We would.

* * *

_Thank you for reading. _

_A massive thank you to twilightmomoftwo, snshyne, and lambie for their amazing support. _

_And a huge thank you to you, gentle reader. _

_I have finished all of my works in progress as far as fan fiction is concerned, and I'm going to attempt to branch out with original fiction._

_The support of fandom has meant so much to me and has got me through some of the most difficult times of my life. For every review, tweet, and DM…they are more precious to me than gold. _

_Thank you. _

_You can find me on twitter scarlettpen_


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